


Grand Fisher

by thedrunkenwerewolf



Series: Heirverse: Phase 1b (Fisher) [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Can be read on its own, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Grand Fisher being an asshole, M/M, Nightmare Fuel, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Suicide, To An Extent, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Voice being a dick, and maybe bubble wrap and duct tape for your heart, because its hollows, characters being emotionally compromised, enabled by Cat, for the one scene in the forest, from the bastard who wrote Decimated, hollow related violence, i spent a whole year working on this, please proceed with caution and an open mind, standalone story with story cross references, violence warning is just to be on the safe side, well to the extent that it's Aizen who bottles everything up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21618805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedrunkenwerewolf/pseuds/thedrunkenwerewolf
Summary: Aizen encounters the hollow that would later be codenamed Grand Fisher, and it changes his life forever. Standalone heirverse story but works better with series context. Horror/romance/angst. Notes/warnings inside. Updates sundays.
Relationships: Aizen Sousuke/Ichimaru Gin
Series: Heirverse: Phase 1b (Fisher) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558033
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Business: i only own the Voice and the heirverse and for once I am happy I do. I wish I owned everything else.
> 
> illust: www.deviantart.com/thedrunkenwerewolf/art/Fisher-cover-art-821671727  
> bonus illust: catsafari25.tumblr.com/post/187877894396/a-gift-for-wolfiethewriter-for-finishing-writing [ i fucking love this :D ]  
> writing playlist: www.youtube.com/playlist ?list=PLSlW5Umu63S2iFUpLNhgwpUhcuBJzmS8a
> 
> a/n: It's been a year in the works, a whole year! but the bastard who wrote Decimated gives you Specimen F (Fisher). This will update every sunday.
> 
> Dedication: This is for my wonderful friend Catsafari who's been here for this since i got the idea in January 2019. Who Watched me write this. And who did her waiting. 12 months of it. In Azkaban XD
> 
> Thankyou so much. For your support, encouragement, enabling, and being absolutely HERE for heirverse even when I was not. (Especially when I was not). This works been a journey. For various reasons. But Thanks for being a part of it. now get some super glue for the inevitable breaking of your heart while I 'Terry Pratchett this bitch' XD  
> Aw man, now I've wrecked it for these nice people... uh, don't worry everyone. It's all sunshine and rainbows, i promise! (Phew. Hey Cat, do you think they bought it? XD)
> 
> Thanks also to Spunky, Sesh, Time and Hk for their encouragement in the last stretch and put up with me being insufferably excited about this fic. It's just been a while since i've been this excited about a fic I've done by myself. Last one was Game. Also i finished a thing and its a good thing and I enjoyed the thing and I'm proud of it :)
> 
> Story notes: standalone heirverse story but works a LOT better with series context. Dark themes and concepts. Hollow related violence and Grand Fisher being an asshole. Nightmare fuel (or at least it was for me). Characters (Aizen) being emotionally compromised. 4d tangle. Warnings for everything will pop up where appropriate. Voice being a dick. I'm the bastard who wrote Decimated- do you really expect anything else at this point? :)
> 
> Okay thats enough blabbing from me. Storytime! And please let me know what you think! Even if that really is just "This is garbage and you suck". Enjoy :)

" _Sure, on a larger scale it was healthy to have people out there you cared about more than yourself. But then there was the abject fear you would lose them._ _They say possessions own you. Not so. Loved ones own you. You are forever held hostage once you care so much."_

_\- Harlan Coben [Hold Tight]_

**Grand Fisher**

Sousuke was just boiling the kettle ready to make the morning mugs of tea for himself and Gin, when the voice roused itself. Instantly putting him in a bad mood.

_'Making him tea again?'_ It asked. ' _You really_ _ **are**_ _going soft, Sousuke.'_

_Piss off Jacinto,_ Sousuke snapped. _Nobody asked you._

The voice – the Hollow – just cackled. _'You've been trying and failing to get me to "piss off" for decades Sousuke.'_ it replied smoothly. Logically. _'I've already told you. I am you and you are me. Until you fulfil your end of our little bargain, I'm not going_ _ **anywhere.'**_

Sousuke frowned. It was right, of course. But that didn't mean he had to like it.

_'You know, if you didn't waste so much time playing house with that **boy** of yours-'_

Sousuke grit his teeth at the way it said the word 'boy', _'you'd have the pact completed and be sitting on top of the world right now. With full control over your mental faculties. And no **me.'**_

Sousuke tried to ignore him. Tried to focus on pouring the hot water into the two mugs and letting the tea infuse. One for Gin and one in his favourite feline mug for himself. It was better than listening to the voice's incessant needling. The hollow just sighed, feigning wistfulness.

_'I suppose you just need the right motivation,'_ he began. _'Tell me, what do you value most in this world?'_

The hairs on the back of Sousuke's neck stood on end and he could practically _feel_ the monster breathing down his neck. He could even picture the man – yellow eyes, black hair, pale skin – grinning like a madman.

_'What's your weakness, Sousuke?'_ it asked. And ice crawled up Sousuke's spine. Terror settled in the pit of his stomach. Because if the monster ever found that out...

_I don't have a weakness,_ he responded calmly, despite the terror chilling his bones. But then he'd had a lot of practice at pretending to be what he wasn't. Playing a role. Wearing a mask. In fact, wear a mask for so long and it became a part of your face.

The monster only laughed. _'Oh Sousuke,'_ it teased, as if it were explaining this to a child. _' **Everyone** has a weakness. It's just a matter of time before I find what yours is.'_

Sousuke said nothing, choosing to keep his thoughts unreadable. Like he would if he were speaking to the Stealer of Faces again. An infamous hollow called Koh, who had the ability to take the face of anyone or anything that showed even the slightest emotion. After he killed them of course. Now _that_ had been a satisfying beast to take down. It's just a shame that what happened after he got home was so...

He pushed the thought away, before it could be used against him.

_'Or... **who** yours is,' _Jacinto added, with a burst of insane, sinister laughter that drove Sousuke quickly out of the kitchen in a futile attempt to escape. After all, how can you outrun the monster in your own head?

. . .

Later that morning, the voice quieted down. Most notably when gin was in the same room. Sousuke made a mental note of this for future reference and began to relax into his usual morning routine. Having tea and breakfast with Gin. Showering. Dressing. Walking to work with Gin and easing into the days workload, which mostly consisted of going over field reports and organising shift rotations for the squad members on duty in the human world. Usually it was monotonous work, but Gin was around, and Gin always made things interesting if not fun. Gin certainly made it easier at any rate.

Sometimes, when no-one else was around, Gin would even sing little songs. And those never failed to make him smile and brighten his whole day right up. Occasionally Cherry would even join in, too. Yipping and howling and making them both laugh. Even after Yamamoto came walking past on a rare trip out to inspect the divisions and told them all very sternly to 'cease that infernal ruckus immediately!'. There was a lot of snickering after the old man left. And calling him a killjoy.

Things calmed down a little after that. But still, that light and fun atmosphere remained as they worked and Cherry assumed her position curled up nose to tail on his desk for a nap. Sousuke smiled and scratched her ear. He knew today was going to be a good day.

. . .

The Hell Butterfly came in just a couple of hours later. Unobtrusive, yet something that would change Aizen's world forever. It fluttered quietly into the office, coming to settle on the back of Aizen's hand, which made Gin snicker softly because he didn't even notice it til it landed on his skin.

"What's the message?" Gin asked when it flew away again, carrying its answer back to the sender. Aizen kept a set expression.

"We're to see the Sotaichou."

"The Old Man?" Gin asked, curious. "Wha'bout?"

"Orders."

Gin nodded and stood, zanpaktou at his hip ready. Of course, any direct order from the Captain Commander was to be obeyed with immediate effect, superceding all other commands. But Aizen still waited for Gin to bid his little Cherry-chan goodbye before they set off.

"Now you be good, Che-Che," Gin told her, stroking her head gently. "don' cause no trouble while we're away now. Ya hear?"

Aizen smiled at the two of them as Cherry licked her master's hand before Gin approached him, ready to get down to business.

"What?" Gin asked. Having noticed he'd been watched.

"Nothing," Aizen smiled back. Not wanting to comment on how adorable it was that his Gin doted on that little white fox. "Now come on, we have business to attend to."

. . .

As expected, the old man got straight to the point. Right down to business. No pleasantries. No dillydallying. Aizen preferred this. The old man irritated him – not that he let it show, of course – so for him it was easier to limit the amount of time they spent in the same room. But Gin was more nervous. Having had little to no interaction with the Captain Commander at all before now. Though he did notice, with no small touch of pride, that his Gin was trying to emulate him and doing his best not to let his fear show. He filed that away for future reference and made a mental note to praise Gin for his efforts later when they were alone. When there were no prying eyes or eager ears monitoring them, looking for any piece of dirt they could find. Any weakness in their relationship.

He had enough of that from the voice. He didn't need it from outside sources, too.

"Good. You're here."Yamamoto greeted them after they'd entered and bowed their heads in respect to his rank.

"I believe you have orders for us, sir?" Aizen said. Loathing to address anyone else as 'sir', but it couldn't be helped. Besides, he wouldn't have to deal with the insufferable old coot for much longer anyway.

"Yes," Yamamoto nodded. Not even gesturing for them to sit. A privilege Aizen was sure the old man offered to everyone else who sat foot in here, which irked him. But with no proof, he had to bite his tongue. The hollow inside him also hissed at the blatant disrespect, hating the old man too. Aizen would have smiled if he could – but he made it a point to disagree with the monster on everything just to piss it off. Even though it was nice to have his annoyance validated.

"We have received reports of an influx of deaths in the mortal world." Yamomoto intoned grimly. Because nobody liked discussing death, even though they dealt with it nearly every day. Particularly those on field duty.

Aizen nodded, understanding. Beside him, Gin swallowed. "Murders or suicides?" he asked, trying to remain detached. Aizen was pleased with Gin's question. He had to know what he was walking into. What he was going to be dragging Gin into. So they had some sense of what to expect. Because there was nothing worse than being blindsided.

"Reports say suicides, although we cannot rule out other possibilities," the old man told them. Again, irritating Aizen. Typical of the old fart. Covering his own ass just so no-one could point the finger at him if he was wrong.

_Look, if you know they're suicides just say so._ Aizen wanted to say. But he had to bite his tongue. Play the game.

"Location?" he asked instead.

"The deaths are centered in a large forest," the old man answered, handing them an envelope with the reports, photos of the place, and most importantly the forests co-ordinates. Aizen quickly scanned through the information and passed it over to Gin, who took it quietly.

"You are to take a squadron of twenty men to assist the field team with clean up and hollow eradication. I'll leave the selection of men in your hands."

Aizen nodded at the command. "When do we leave?"

"First light tomorrow at 0600 hours." Yamomoto told them. "I trust you'll be ready."

"Yes, sir."

"Hmph. Good. You are dismissed."

. . .

As they left the first division behind and returned o their own office, Gin sighed with relief. Glad it was over. Aizen looked at him, smiling softly.

"It's always very tense in there," he said, trying to be reassuring. But Gin just blinked at him.

"Ya mean the atmosphere's _always_ like that with him?!" Gin exclaimed, somewhat alarmed.

"Yes, but you get used to it," Aizen smiled.

"How can _anyone_ get used to that?" Gin asked.

"With time," Aizen told him. "And a lot of practice."

Gin just groaned.

"Don't worry," Aizen told him, "You did well."

"But I didn't really do anythin'." Gin protested.

Aizen shook his head. "You carried yourself well and were composed throughout." he praised, smiling softly at his fox. "You were excellent."

And at that Gin's cheeks flushed a delicate pink and he averted his gaze. Choosing to look in the direction they were walking. Sousuke just smiled at him. Ah, his lovely fox was indeed learning, but he still had a way to go yet.

. . .


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: when you wake up and suddenly remember its a Fisher post day because you forgot even though its all you've been talking about for the last year *facedesks*
> 
> Anyway, like this story or any others? Let me know! I've got a similar idea for a story for next year and I want to know if its worth posting more fic like this.
> 
> Enjoy the rest of my Terry Pratchetted "oneshot".

When dawn came, both Aizen and Gin stepped through the senkaimon, the gateway to the mortal world. The captain and his lieutenant leading twenty handpicked soldiers on their assignment. Aizen could sense Gin's apprehension, though Gin kept it from showing on his face. Keeping his fox-like grin plastered on his face in front of their men. But Aizen knew Gin. was ready for this, and had faith he would do well.

He couldn't say so aloud – not in front of their men – but he could he and Gin shared a glance, and he knew Gin understood what he couldn't say.

. . .

They emerged in the mortal world just outside of the forest, and Aizen silently praised whoever opened the portal. Their calculations, and therefore their current co-ordinates were exact. They were right where they wanted to be. And they hadn't been dropped on entry. Perfect.

He turned to face his men. "Everyone present and accounted for?"

"Yes sir," Gin answered.

"Good. We'll split into groups and comb the area as discussed." Aizen said, loudly enough so they all could hear him. "Ichimaru, you're with me. Everyone else, split up and move out. We'll reconvene here at 1800 hours."

"Yes Captain," they all answered and headed off into the woods.

Aizen waited until they'd all dispersed, staring at the tree line long after the last man had disappeared into the trees. Wondering what he might find. What potential horrors awaited inside such a deceptively peaceful looking forest.

"Aizen-sama?"

He shook the grim thoughts away. As usual, Gin's voice brought him back to reality. Back to a state of tranquility. "Are you... okay?"

"Hm? Sorry, I spaced out there for a moment."

Gin studied him for a moment. Looking unsure of whether to believe him.

"I'm fine," he added. If only to silence any questions. "Let's move. We have a job to do."

"Right," Gin nodded, and followed his captain as he stepped into the sea of trees before them. Though somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew this conversation wasn't over.

. . .

Once they were in the sea of trees, Gin found himself pleasantly surprised. The place was so quiet and tranquil, it was hard to believe so much death had happened here – if the reports were to be believed. Gin had learned the hard way that sometimes they were wrong.

They kept on the main path at first, just to get some sense of the place. Aizen always liked to orientate himself in a place before really exploring it, he knew. But it seemed the older man was just as awestruck by the calmness the place exuded. Although Gin had a feeling it was a deceptive calmness. Because he just couldn't shake the feeling that if one strayed off the paths, this forest, this ocean of trees would swallow them whole, and they'd never find their way back.

_And when it gets dark, anyone still in the forest would find the night dark and full of terrors indeed._

Gin swallowed and then chided himself. Honestly, when had he ever been frightened of _children's stories?_ What was he, five? Damn it, he was a shinigami now. And old enough to know better than to be afraid of monsters hiding in the woods at night. He grit his teeth and forced himself to stand tall, and kept a hand on Shinsou. Telling himself to get a grip.

Besides, Sousuke wasn't scared.

"It's peaceful, isn't it?" Aizen said softly, and Gin let out the softest of sighs. Because it was the voice of his Sousuke, not the voice of his captain. It was the gentle voice that grounded him. And the tight knot of tension in his chest loosened at the sound of that voice.

"Yeah," Gin answered softly. "It is."

He looked around them at the trees, the leaves, the sunlight trickling in through the canopy above them. The birdsong in the air providing the perfect backing track. "Hard to believe so much death happened here in such a peaceful place, aint it?"

Sousuke nodded. "Appearances are deceptive. You need to look beyond them for a true sense of a thing," he explained. Still his teacher easing him into another lesson.

Gin nodded, taking mental notes. "Or some _one._ " he said.

"Yes," Sousuke said. "Any _one._ Any _thing._ Any _place."_

Gin nodded again. "Yes, Aizen-sama."

"Try it with this place," Sousuke suggested. "What have we learned so far? Disregarding the reports."

Gin thought for a moment. "Nothing," he said. "We need to go further in. this is just the face of the forest. And faces lie."

He risked a glance over at Aizen, expecting to see a stern countenance, and was surprised to see the man smiling fondly at him. And was there a touch of pride there too? Or was he mistaken?

"Excellent," Sousuke said. "You're learning." And Gin couldn't help but blush a little, because he was most definitely not mistaken, no.

"Come on, we should move deeper into the forest. Sweep the area." Aizen said, getting right back down to business. Because they did have a job to do.

"Right," Gin nodded, his blush fading away just as quickly as it came. Following his partner deeper into the sea of trees. Making a quiet note of the tension in the older man's shoulders as they walked.

. . .

The forest felt unnaturally quiet. Even for a place in the middle of nowhere. The trees grew thick around them, seeming to swallow up all sound. Their footsteps, their hushed voices. Every sound was swallowed up by the forest. Gin also noticed that no birds were singing, either. In fact, no wildlife seemed to even be around at all. All of which added to his unease. Something was definitely off about this place. No natural place was like this. So he kept his wits about him as he walked beside Aizen, regularly scanning their surroundings and glancing back to make sure they weren't being followed. It was just like being back in the Rukon district again. Looking out for another person he cared about. Watching Sousuke's back as well as his own.

"You feel it too, don't you?" Aizen asked quietly.

Gin glanced up at him, nodding grimly. "S'too quiet," he said. "Hollow?"

"Could be," Aizen answered. "Hollow do drive away the wildlife from an area."

"Yeah," Gin said soberly. Thinking of his own pet fox, Cherry, waiting for him back home. "The animals always know."

"Yes," Aizen agreed. "Their instincts are better than ours when it comes to danger."

Gin watched him look around them. Listening. Studying the trees for any sign of movement or life. Even an assailant or hollow to come crashing through the trees towards them.

"We should split up," Aizen said. "We'll cover more ground that way. And if there are any hollows lurking about they can be dispatched."

Gin stood quietly, processing this. Every cell in his body was screaming at him that this was a bad idea. A terrible idea. Because something awful would surely happen if they split up. There was safety in numbers – everyone who'd grown up in the Rukongai knew that. What was Aizen thinking, suggesting they split up? It was obvious they'd work better as a team, watching each other's backs.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Gin said carefully. Having reigned in the indignant, adamant response he was going to give. Though it was harder to keep the edge from his voice. His captain – his partner – needed someone to watch his back. Gin knew that better than anyone. Split up... gods for someone so clever, Aizen could be so _stupid._

"We'll cover more ground if we split up," Aizen repeated calmly. "We have a lot of forest to comb through. We'll comb through it faster this way."

"Like hell," Gin snarled. "I think you just wanna get rid a me."

"Gin, that's not it."

"But-"

"We split up." Aizen said firmly. "That's an order, Gin,"

Gin frowned. He hated it when the older man pulled rank on him. But he bit his tongue. Now was _not_ the time or place for a quarrel.

"Fine," Gin said. "But I still think it's a dumb idea."

"Yes, opinion noted," Aizen said. "Now head west and I'll meet you back at the rendezvous point."

Gin stared him down for a moment, but then complied. If Aizen wanted to split up to cover more ground, then they'd split up and cover more ground. Gin would just have to obey his captain's orders and hope stupidity wasn't fatal as he stomped off deeper into the forest.

"Gin," Aizen called after him, making him pause in his trudging into the darker part of the sea of trees and look back at the man.

"Stay in range." Aizen said, his tone gentle again. "And exercise caution."

Gin looked at him, seeing Aizen's smile appeasing and soft, and he knew what Sousuke meant. _Be careful. Don't go far._ And despite his earlier frustrations with the man, Gin smiled back. Now that, he had no problems complying with.

. . .

When Gin had disappeared into the sea of trees, Aizen sighed quietly with relief. Gin was currently heading _away_ from the hollows general location, and would hopefully be cleaning up and performing konso for the souls lingering around the forest. It was a good thing, too, because for the last half an hour he hadn't been able to shake the feeling that they were being watched.

_No, not watched... **stalked.** Hunted._

It made him uncomfortable. Made him feel too much like prey. He was supposed to be the hunter. Not the prey. Not again. He'd make sure of it.

So with that in his mind, and a fresh determination to take down whoever or whatever was tailing him and keep Gin safe, Aizen ventured deeper into the forest in the other direction. Letting the sea of trees swallow him up.

. . .


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Here is chapter 3. Enjoy it before the nightmare fuel level rockets next week :) again, if you like this let me know. If this gets good response i will post more Fisher related stuff and consider writing and posting similar stories.
> 
> notes/warnings: depictions and discussions of suicide. Please proceed with caution, and an open mind.
> 
> Alternatively you can read a version without the suicide references and that can be found here:   
> https://wolfiethewriter.tumblr.com/post/189683428011/grand-fisher-part-3-alternate-version

As Aizen wandered deeper into the forest, he noticed the trees grew denser and the floor even more uneven beneath his feet.

The woods seemed to feel more isolating, too, the further in he went. In the distance above him, he could see birds perched on high branches. Hear them singing. So he knew this area was relatively safe. He caught a glimpse of a squirrel scampering up a tree out of his way. A little while later he startled a red fox and watched it dart off into the trees, and he couldn't help but smile and think of Cherry. And his Tsuku back at home waiting for him.

_This place is so serene. So tranquil. Beautiful, even,_ he thought. _You really get the feeling you're completely alone in the world. That there isn't another human soul around for miles..._

_You feel so isolated. From everything. From everyone. It's like if how I felt all these years was a place._

He ventured further into the forest's arms and entered a grove of trees, enjoying the peace the forest seemed to provide... until he encountered the first dead body and the illusion shattered.

The boy was no more than sixteen years old at the most. Dead for who knew how long. Hanging from a rope around his neck tied to a branch of a tree. So much life. So much potential... wasted. Sousuke felt sick. Somewhere, the boy's family – by blood or by choice - would be mourning for him. Somewhere, maybe, his girlfriend or maybe a boyfriend was waiting for him to call. Somewhere, perhaps, a cat or a dog would be waiting for him to come home.

_Well,_ he thought, swallowing. _At least I know why we were sent here now._

He looked around at his once peaceful surroundings. Feeling only a sense of melancholy and dread now. How many other bodies were there in this forest? How many others came to end their lives here?

Frankly just one was too many.

He took a deep breath and tried to ground himself. Hoping to every god Gin hadn't found a similar circumstance. Even though the odds of that happening were slim, and the gods were deaf to such pleas.

_First things first, cut the body down. Then the konso._

So he got to work, cutting the rope holding the boy to the tree and gently laying him down. Wishing that he'd been around to talk the boy out of it, or even just to listen to his problems. Because he knew that sometimes all you needed was just someone to listen. To care. But he hadn't been, and the boy was dead, and it was what it was.

Sousuke looked at the boy and it really looked like he could be sleeping. Except he wasn't, and he felt a pang of sadness. Rigor mortis hadn't even set in yet, so he really hadn't been dead that long. Hours at most.

_You can't save everyone,_ Kyouka said softly. Sadly.

_I know,_ he answered. _The world is too cruel to let me. All I can hope for is to keep the few people I actually care about safe._

He looked up when he heard the twig snap, and saw the soul of the dead boy – who looked eerily similar to him. Only the lad's hair was short and straight, and his face was ore rounded. Otherwise, right down to the spectacles, he could've been looking into a mirror at his past self.

He forced his features into a smile. He _did_ have a job to do. "Ah, hello there."

"Oh," the boy gasped, "Y-you can see me."

"Yes," Sousuke said gently, "I can."

He stepped closer to the boy. _Be tactful,_ Kyouka reminded him. "I'm here to help you pass on."

The boy smiled sadly. "So I'm really dead, huh?" he said quietly. "It took so long. I wasn't sure if it worked. And then I was just standing next to myself..."

Sousuke nodded grimly. "It's never the answer," he said, nodding towards the dead body laying on the ground beneath the tree. The permanent solution to all the temporary problems.

"I know," the boy told him. "But at the time it felt like the _only_ answer.

"I understand," Sousuke said gently. "I've felt like that, too."

"You have?" the boy perked up. A hopeful smile on his face. Because it wasn't just him. It wasn't just him who'd felt like this.

Just a pity this knowledge came too little, too late.

Cold guilt gnawed at his stomach, and Sousuke questioned the wisdom of sharing this part of himself after the fact. When it was too late to make any difference at all. He wasn't a god. He couldn't resurrect the dead. He was no-one. Nobody. Nothing.

_Useless, pathetic, weak._

He shook off the thoughts. _It is what it is. Now we just have to deal with it._

But maybe it could make a difference in the boy's next life. Besides, they were alone, there was no-one around for miles. And in all likelihood he'd never see the kid again. So why not? Why not try to make a difference?

"Yes," he answered.

"And how did you get past it?"

Sousuke had to think about it for a moment. How _did_ he get through those days? "By telling myself nothing is permanent," he said gently. "And that some things are worth sticking around for."

The boy smiled. "Someone you care about?"

"Something like that," he answered, smiling.

"I wish I had someone to care about me."

"You will." Sousuke said. "Where you're going, you can start fresh. You'll find someone."

"And where _am_ I going?" the boy asked, skeptical. Of course he'd be skeptical. He was a human.

_Much like you,_ the voice cut in, _loathe though you are to admit it._

He ignored it.

"A peaceful place," he answered the boy. "Well, mostly peaceful anyway."

He watched the boy sigh in relief. "That's good."

Sousuke nodded and smiled. _He was expecting to be sent to the other place. For taking his own life._

"Yes, it is," he said. _And you'll forget your old life entirely, so it really will be like starting over._ "Come on, let's get you moving," he said, drawing his zanpaktou. "Keep still now and I'll perform the ritual that'll move your soul onto the next world."

"Y-you're not going to cut me with that, are you?"

"No. I'm just going to touch your forehead with the hilt."

"Oh. Alright then."

Sousuke stepped towards the boy's soul and smiled. "You ready?"

"Yes."

"Alright," he said. "Just close your eyes and it'll be done before you know it."

He watched the boy close his eyes and take a deep breath as he performed the konso. The soul burial. Sending his soul to the afterlife in a glow of white light.

After he'd performed the konso, he looked around, sighing in relief that no-one else had appeared to watch. He moved to walk away, to venture deeper into the forest – and that's when it hit him in the back of the head. Smashing him with a great deal of force against a tree.

. . .


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: I finally finished typing out this fic! And it sits at a grand total of 30k. Its a lot! The fatigue at this feat however has mown me down like a bus and I'm gonna need some recovery time. And maybe some fluff to counteract the nightmare fuel. So if I'm late replying to any reviews I apologise in advance. I will get to them. I will. This fics just wiped me out. I wrote 30k in 12 months. I'm very happy but also very tired. I will get to any comments when I can. Thanks again to Cat and the Pack for the support and encouragement. Enjoy the rest of this monstrous oneshot :)

Gin stopped mid-stride, his hand instinctively going to his sword, ready to draw it. His attention grabbed by... well, he wasn't sure. It could have been a noise, a spike in spiritual energy from somewhere... anything. All he could tell was that something was horribly wrong. He just couldn't put his finger on _what._

 _What is it?_ Shinsou asked. Gin just stared out into the forest back the way he'd come. Cocking his head.

"Something's not right," he said quietly. Afraid that talking too loudly might cause whatever creatures lurking behind the trees to leap out and devour him. "Can't tell what, but somethin' aint right."

 _Aizen?_ Shinsou asked. Gin considered it.

"Maybe," he answered. Then shook his head. "But after pullin' rank on me like that, he can look after 'im _self._ " he added. Just a touch bitter. Because weren't they partners? Weren't they supposed to be a _team?_

Gin took his hand away from Shinsou again, slowly, and headed deeper into the forest.

 _If you say so,_ Shinsou said. Gin didn't even answer that. It was clearly meant to provoke him and he wouldn't take the bait.

. . .

Some time and three soul burials later though, Gin still felt uneasy about it. He just couldn't shake the feeling of _wrongness_ about the whole situation, and it tied his stomach up in knots the more he thought about it. And it certainly wasn't doing his anxiety any good. Maybe he _should_ go back...

 _Urgh. If you're that bothered about it, why don't you just go check on him?_ Shinsou sighed clearly done with listening to his anxious thoughts. _Because you're clearly worried about him._

Gin frowned. "I aint worried," he snapped.

 _Uh-huh,_ Shinsou nodded. _And the sky is green._

"You shut up," Gin hissed. Although, of course, his zanpaktou was right. Like always. He _was_ concerned. Sure, Aizen could look after himself, but... there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn't shake. A thought lingering in the back of his mind, whispering _'what if...'_

Maybe it _**would**_ be a good idea to go and check. Just for peace of mind. If there really was nothing wrong, the worst he'd get was a firm scolding and maybe cleaning duty as a punishment – and Gin hated cleaning duty. But better that than the alternative. Which didn't bear thinking about.

So he turned back around and retraced his steps. Aizen couldn't have gotten too far. He might have to do a bit of searching because the man didn't like to broadcast his whereabouts with his spiritual energy. But still, Gin would find him easy enough. Besides, he wouldn't be able to focus on the task at hand until he'd confirmed there was nothing wrong. Just to be sure. And like Aizen said, it didn't hurt to be careful, right?

Because one could never be too careful in a place like this. Who knew _what_ horrors lay in wait. Lurking just behind the next tree, waiting to pounce on their unsuspecting prey...

. . .

Aizen grit his teeth and tried to focus. The pain in his head was blinding and his ears were ringing. He lifted a hand to his head and it came away bloody. His glasses were gone, too. Probably broken somewhere. It was a good thing he didn't really need them to see. But even so, it was an inconvenience. He had an image to maintain, after all. He staggered to his feet, the world still spinning wildly around him, seeing three trees for every one.

"Fuck," he hissed, feeling warm blood drip down his forehead. Trying to locate his assailant and willing the world to stop lurching.

"Where are you?" he muttered under his breath. "Where _**are**_ you?"

The maniacal laughter that answered him was his only response. And part of him grew cold inside because it was so akin to the laughter of the voice in his head.

"Shit," he cursed, while the creature just _laughed_ at him. Nothing more than a blurry dark shape.

"Foolish creature," it mocked. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to go wandering alone through dark forests?"

Aizen grit his teeth again. Even the dark cackling seemed to be in stereo.

"Stupid little boy," the creature sneered, and finally the world came back into focus enough so Aizen could see it. Monstrous, it was. Like a giant deformed hamster, with fur the colour of mold – though that might just be the dried blood of its victims – and red, birdlike hands and feet with razor sharp claws that had the appearance of being dyed in blood. Fresh blood.

Perhaps they were. Though the red liquid dripping from said front claws may well have been his own.

And that was just the body. The head was another horror entirely. The beast's head resembled a human skull, the way the white mask was designed. With eye sockets and nostrils and a set of human-like teeth, all laid out straight and white, set in a smile that was most unsettling. But it was the eyes that really struck him. They were the colour of blood, and hate, and were staring at him like a delicious, freshly cooked ham joint. The only thing distracting him from them was the swaying of an appendage in front of its face. Attached to the top of its head. Much like the lure of an anglerfish.

It looked, for all intents and purposes, like some sort of grandiose fisherman. Although Aizen doubted that lure would merely glow in the dark. Hollow abilities were far more sinister than that. This would no doubt end up being some fresh new horror. He would have to be on guard.

"Better than being a coward who hides behind trees," Aizen said. It was a weak comeback, he knew. But he had to say _something._ Keeping the wretch talking was his best way of surviving until the world slowed to a stop and his ears stopped their infernal ringing. When that happened, he could fight it and he could kill it.

The grandiose fisherman hollow laughed derisively at him again. Good. Let it think he was stupid and slow. That would make his death blow that much more surprising for it. That much more humiliating.

"I think you're confused, little boy," it said, in a tone that reminded him so much of Kurotsuchi Mayuri he had to resist shivering. "When a predator hunts, isn't it more successful if it ambushes its prey?"

Aizen stood up straighter, now that the world had come to a stop and ceased its wild spinning. He managed a proud, defiant smile. "True, but I am not prey."

_And if I can survive the voice in my head, I can survive your pathetic insults and taunts. In fact, I can survive anything._

It laughed again. Mocking. But it had nothing on the voice.

"Don't be dumb, boy. _Everyone_ is prey to a hollow. Humans. Shinigami. Hollows. _**You**."_ it said, sliding its large grotesque tongue out over its teeth. "I don't know _what_ you are, but I just know you'll taste absolutely _delicious."_

 _ **What** I am? _Aizen thought, wondering what _that_ was supposed to mean. But he kept his face impassive. Emotionless. And his thoughts focused. Just like he had with the Face Stealer. Because surely this was only a distraction technique to make him doubt himself. To question who – even _what_ – he was. And to do either of those things now would be suicide. Besides, there was more than enough time for that later.

"What? Nothing to say, boy?" the hollow taunted. "How disappointing. From what I'd heard about you, I figured you wouldn't shut up."

Sousuke felt anger rise up inside him, and he carefully drew Kyouka Suigetsu.

 _Be careful, Aizen-sama,_ she warned. As if he needed telling. But he acknowledged her nonetheless. He pointed the blade of his zanpaktou at the monster, ready to fight. Studying it for any subtle cues that it would attack. But for the moment at least, it was all just petty insults, leering, and looking sinister. But that could all change in an instant, and he had to be ready when it did. Even a momentary lapse in concentration could be fatal.

"Oh. I see. Not the talkative type," the hollow said. "Well, no matter. I'd rather just cut out all the bullshit and get straight to eating you." And at that he licked his chops again, eyeing Sousuke like he was a slab of meat at a butcher's shop. "Because I'd really like to try a bit of fusion cuisine. I wonder how you'll taste..."

"If you're trying to unsettle me, it won't work." Aizen retorted. Deciding to fight arrogance with arrogance. Even if he wasn't a hundred percent sure of his chances. He had great power certainly. But that didn't rule out the possibility of him being heavily or fatally wounded. And this creature's power level was not to be taken lightly. In fact, underestimating _any_ opponent in a battle could prove deadly. And hadn't that been something he'd drilled into Gin since the beginning?

_Lesson one. Never underestimate your opponent, Gin. That's a sure-fire way to get yourself killed._

Sousuke shook his head to clear it. _Focus, Sousuke,_ Kyouka told him.

He got his head back in the game just in time, because the hollow lunged for him. Bearing down on him with that huge mouth, ready to swallow him whole. Or if not whole then in very large bites. And Aizen wanted to keep all of his limbs attached to his body, thankyou very much, so he blocked the creature with his sword. The sound of teeth scraping against metal setting him on edge. He really hated that noise. Stopping the hollow was easy enough, although he got the feeling it didn't really try very hard to get him. It felt more like it was testing him. Toying with him, even. He pushed it back to get some distance from it, then fired a kidou blast at it. Without needing to recite the spell, naturally.

The hollow skidded backwards, coming to a stop just before smashing into a tree. It eyed Aizen hungrily, positively salivating over the thought of eating him now he'd had a taste of the raw power inside the man.

"Yes," it rumbled, "I think you'll taste _most_ delicious."

"Pity," Aizen answered, quietly gathering the energy he needed for another kidou spell behind his back. "I have no intention of becoming anyone's next meal."

He smiled and quickly fired the kidou blast at the hollow, sending it smashing – back of the head first – into the tree immediately behind it with the force of the explosion. Aizen stood watching as the hollow growled. Irate at its newly acquired headache. Aizen smiled.

"That," he said smugly, "Was for smashing me into that tree."

The hollow snarled and gnashed its large teeth at him, and Aizen pointed his sword at it.

"Now," he said, smirking, "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."

The hollow growled at him, low and guttural and very much enraged. "Fucking bastard," it snarled. And then it leapt at Aizen again. Teeth bared and ready to kill. Aizen held his zanpaktou steady, and took his stance. Waiting for it.

. . .


	5. Chapter 5

Elsewhere in the forest, Gin's head snapped up. He'd sensed the disturbance in the air, no, the energy around him and was on high alert. What was happening out there? And what was that monstrous spiritual pressure? It was so thick and so dense and so... malicious. It was nothing like a normal hollow. None that he'd ever experienced anyway.

_You felt it too, huh?_ Shinsou said.

Gin nodded. "Yeah," he said. Hoping he didn't sound as uneasy as he felt. He kept a sharp eye on the trees in the direction the disturbance had come from. Half expecting an assailant to leap from them and ambush him. ...but nothing came. Nothing came for him, and that was the scariest thing of all. He had read, somewhere, in some book or other, that if a hollow was large enough or powerful enough, it often drove away all of the lower class hollows in the area. That could be the case here, because he hadn't come across another living soul – dead or alive – since he'd split up from Sousuke.

There weren't even any birds singing, or background noise. There was just this... _silence_. And he hated silence. In that way, he was the complete opposite of Sousuke, who seemed to like quiet.

But then there was quiet, and then there was... _this._ And Gin couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong here.

He tried to calm his erratic heart. It was a wild animal, trying to bash and claw its way out of the ribs that were its prison. "Sousuke's out there," Gin said quietly. Too afraid to disturb the too-eerie silence cloaking the forest. His voice tense to even his own ears. He tried to focus. If any hollow came crashing through the trees now he'd be such easy prey.

He made himself move forward. If he was going to be prey, he might as well be moving prey as opposed to a sitting duck. _A moving target is always harder to hit,_ Sousuke always told him. So Gin kept moving. Hoping his lover wouldn't go and do something stupid like getting himself killed. Or get himself killed by being a dumbass. At least then Gin wouldn't have to answer the question of _'how did he die?_ ' with ' _Stupidly.'_

Gin sighed and shook his head, pressing forward. He was still so far away, and there was so much ground to cover, and shunpo had never been one of his strong points... it seemed everything was working against him. But Gin was determined to get to him. Even if it meant being punished for disobedience later. Even if he was thrown in prison for insubordination. Because he had to be sure Sousuke was alright, because his gut instincts were screaming at him that he wasn't.

And like Sousuke always said: _Always trust your gut instincts. They're usually never wrong._

He only hoped he'd get there in time.

. . .

Aizen wiped the blood from his mouth, spat some of it out onto the dirt, and smirked at his opponent. He was panting heavily from the exertion of the fight, but still he maintained his confidence. He'd suffered a few cuts and bruises, sure. But that was nothing compared to the hollows wounds. Bleeding from a gash on one shoulder and various cuts, and dark misshapen blotches on its bird-like talons that one could only assume were bruises. The beast was looking a little worse for wear. The way it was panting and gasping for air only made it more obvious the creature was struggling to keep up with him. Bigger things tended to be slower, encumbered by their great size. And Aizen was a lot smaller, a lot quicker, and a force to be reckoned with.

"Have you had enough yet?" Aizen asked. More than a touch smug.

The hollow only growled, spitting and cursing. "Bitch. Is that all you've got?"

"Don't make me laugh," Aizen smiled. He had the creature nice and irate now. And even an idiot knew that being irate and losing concentration for even a second only meant you'd make mistakes. "You're the one who's all beat up and exhausted."

The hollow growled even louder at him. _Good. The angrier he is, the more mistakes he'll make._

"What? Nothing to say?" Aizen taunted. "Or did my zanpaktou's abilities prove too much for your simple brain that you're incapable of speech?"

The Fisherman hollow shot him a glare – _ah, if looks could kill!_ \- and spat a blob of dark blue blood in his direction. It missed.

"Fuck you!"

Aizen smiled and stood a little taller. A little prouder. He didn't remember when he'd lost his glasses. They'd probably come off some time ago during the fight. Probably when he'd been smashed face first into that tree the first time. But at least he could say this time he hadn't walked into the large stationary object. Ergo the concussion he probably had wasn't his fault... this time.

Aizen tutted. "My, my, such bad language. Is that really necessary, Mr. Fisher?"

The beast _growled_ and Aizen smirked. "Do you give up yet? Or do I have to do this the old fashioned way?"

"The _**hell**_ I give up!" the hollow bellowed at him. But if he was hoping for a reaction, he didn't get one. Because Aizen Sousuke did not move or flinch. He was far above such things. And he was confident he'd win.

"Pity. I would have made your end quick and merciful, if you'd surrendered." Aizen told him, feigning disappointment. Shaking his head to add to the effect. This grand fisherman hollow, being berated like a small child.

" _Although,"_ Aizen added, more thoughtful now. Not needing to feign the curiosity he felt. "I would like to see what that lure on the top of your head does," he smiled, devious, clever, intrigued. "I mean you _are_ a fisherman, right? Or is it just there for decorative purposes? Shame I won't get to find out."

"Heh!" the hollow, the Grand Fisherman, panted. Attempting to laugh despite being breathless. "You want to see what this thing can do?" he asked, pointing to the lure as it swayed uselessly in front of his masked face. _Grinning._ "Well, don't worry, boy, I can certainly _show_ you. I just hope you'll remember that your earlier hubris preceded your downfall before I kill you."

Aizen smiled. "Big words," he said, still full of confidence that despite whatever little trick the Grand Fisherman – as Aizen had come to think of him – threw at him, he would still emerge from this battle victorious. "Well. Go on, then. _Show me."_

The Grand Fisherman's grin only broadened, terrifyingly. "Oh, don't worry," he answered slyly. "I will."

And then the hollow vanished, leaving Aizen confused for a second before he realised the wretch was behind him. He swivelled round to block the attack with his zanpaktou, stopping the claws, the teeth. But it was the lure he didn't see coming that caught him.

"Ha, you'll have to do better than tha-" was all he got out before being grabbed on the back of the head by what felt like a giant suction cup with teeth, and then slammed into the nearest tree. Into the wet mud. And the world span wildly again.

_Fuck._

. . .


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some creative license taken with Grand Fisher's abilities for the sake of (what I at least thought of as) nightmare fuel. Enjoy the nightmare fuel.

Gin's heart skipped a beat as he ran, flash stepping through the immense forest. _There,_ he felt it again.

He skidded to a stop, nearly tripping over a fallen branch in the process. He stood, a shiver rushing up his spine despite the warm weather as he eyed the trees n the direction the sound resonated from.

_You felt that?_ He called to Shinsou, an edge of panic in his thoughts.

_Yes,_ his zanpaktou answered. _We better hurry. That energy spike means nothing good._

Gin nodded and quickly caught his breath, trying to chase away the feeling of panic gnawing away at his thoughts. His insides.

He took a deep breath and ran on. Flying through the dense woodland. This forest of death. Cursing Aizen's ability to cover such vast distances in such a short time. The skills of a man whom no-one would find if he didn't want to be found.

" _Please,"_ Gin prayed to whatever gods might be listening. "Please let him be alright."

. . .

Pain. That was all there was. Just blinding pain. His ears were ringing from the impact with the tree, the world was lurching around him wildly, and his head felt like it was in an ever tightening _vice._ Whatever had a hold of him seemed to be squeezing his skull so hard it might break, and sucking the life out of him in the process. Indeed his whole life seemed to flash before his eyes. Well, the important parts of it, anyway. The parts with Gin in.

Shit. Maybe he really _was_ going to die.

Just when he thought he might black out from the immense pain, the pressure on his head was suddenly released. The ominous presence looming over him was no longer there either. He might've questioned it, if not for the ringing in his ears and the dizziness. And the relief that the pain was subsiding was was too overpowering to allow room for anything else.

"What," he choked out when he could think a little more clearly, "Did you do to me?"

The hollow chuckled malevolently in the background as he struggled to his feet. Lifting himself off the floor and his hands and knees. A shaky hand gripping his zanpaktou tightly. He needed something to hold onto while the world came back into focus and slowly stopped spinning around like some crazy carousel ride.

It lurched again when he was on his feet and it was all he could do to not stagger. _Shit._

The monster laughed again. The sound in stereo both inside and outside of his head.

_Pathetic,_ the voice jeered. Clearly enjoying his suffering. _So pathetic._

The Grand Fisherman only echoed the sentiment. "Wow," it said. "I mean you look really pathetic right now but I'm shocked you can still stand up. Most soul reapers die from the shock of having their memories probed."

Aizen could only blink stupidly. "Memories probed?"

Somewhere the voice sighed. _Pathetic_ _ **and**_ _stupid._

The Fisherman smirked and pointed at his lure, which had opened up to look like a sucker with various octopus-like arms and some wicked teeth. All pin sharp. "Yes," the hollow leered. "Or did you think this was just for 'decorative purposes'?"

Aizen scowled at the wretched creature, cursing himself for his arrogance. He should have killed the thing earlier when he had the chance. Too late now, though. Now he'd need to come up with a new strategy to end this fight quickly. Anything that had access to his memory bank was a threat and a liability and needed to be eradicated before it could cause any lasting damage. Not to mention the fact that if this wretch gave the voice any ammunition against him, things would get very difficult to contain very quickly, and could very likely end up being a clusterfuck of epic proportions if he didn't deal with it _now._

But to do that he needed to know what he was up against, and then strike quickly. Right now, the odds of doing that even with the dizziness slowly ebbing away were not in his favour.

"You see, memories are very important," it began. Aizen had to resist the urge to roll his eyes, if only so the world wouldn't start spinning again. _No shit,_ he thought. But he let the hollow continue. Better to let it think it had the upper hand... for now.

"They make up who you are," the hollow continued. "They show who's important to you. Who you care for. Who's in your circle of trust." it grinned sinisterly and Aizen knew he had to tread carefully. "They show me your _weaknesses."_

"Weaknesses?" Aizen echoed. Keeping his face and his voice neutral. Unreadable. _Just like with the Face Stealer. Calm as still water._

" _Yes,"_ the Fisherman hissed. _"Weaknesses."_ it grinned deviously again and something about its gaze made Aizen shiver, because it really felt like it was staring right into his soul. Like it'd cracked apart and pried open his shell like a coconut to expose his soft core. His vulnerable centermeat meant to be covered and protected at all costs.

He didn't like where this conversation was going at all.

"Also known as 'loved ones'." the hollow supplied, filling in the blanks for him. It became harder to keep his face unreadable after that.

He decided to bluff his way out of the trap.

"Ha, and what makes you believe I love anyone?" Aizen asked, standing a hell of a lot taller than he felt and putting on an air of confidence he did not feel. The confidence usually reserved for his enemies and smug students who falsely believes they knew better than him.

The hollow just chuckled. "You forget I've already been inside your head, little boy," it mocked. "You love. Like every other person in the world, you _**love.**_ _"_

The Fisherman pointed straight at him. "And it will be your _**downfall.**_ _"_

It was even harder to do after that, but still he kept his face unreadable. Devoid of any emotion. Any reaction, however small, however minute, would only prove that smug smirking bastard right. And it would only prove the voice right, too. Showing that he dd indeed have a weakness. And he couldn't afford to show his hand like that. The consequences would be disastrous.

_Better to show no fear. Show no fear at all._

"So you saw my memories," Aizen said. "That proves nothing."

"It proves everything," the hollow countered. "Who you spend your time with, what you do together. How you _act_ when you're around people... how you act when you're around _him..."_ it smirked, and Aizen _really_ didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Shall I show you?" the hollow asked, and quietly Aizen braced for the worst. Rationalising in his mind that nothing could be used against him because Gin was far away. He was far away and safe and could handle himself if the need arose. So there was absolutely nothing this fucking psychopath could do to use Gin against him.

But he quickly found out he was wrong.

The lure dangling in front of the hollow's face began to glow and elongate, steadily morphing into a human shape. But a very specific human shape. Long awkward limbs, a thin frame, slender waist. Hands with long, graceful fingers. And a smile he'd recognise anywhere.

_Shit,_ Aizen cursed inwardly. _Shit, shit, **shit!**_

. . .


	7. Chapter 7

Gin was panting as he ran, his stomach twisting itself into knots. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong, he just knew it.

He had to hurry. He had to get to Sousuke. He didn't know what he'd find when he got there, but he _had_ to get there.

He could only hope he wouldn't find his lover's corpse when he did.

. . .

Aizen swallowed. _No. No, this isn't happening. It_ _ **can't**_ _be happening! No!_

But it could. And it was. And now his blood was running cold and it was near impossible to remain unreadable. Especially with the mounting terror inside him and the cold sweat dripping down his back, threatening to soak him through. His hands were shaking, too. No matter how tightly he gripped his zanpaktou.

 _Sousuke,_ she called out to him. _Sousuke you know it's a trick._

It was a trick. Of course it was a trick. The rational part of his brain knew that. But that didn't matter, because the illusion looked real enough. And if that wasn't Gin standing in front of him, then it was a very good copy.

His step faltered then, a sound in his throat threatening to come out as a desperate cry. He tried to breathe, to remain calm. Tell himself that no, this... it couldn't be real... could it?

In front of him, Gin – well, Not-Gin – laughed. And for a few moments that lighthearted laugh was the only sound in the dense forest for what felt like miles around. The shape of his Gin the only thing he could look at. Try as he might to look away. But there was nothing else _to_ look at. Only the faint sunlight as it wove its way through the leaves above and down into the depths of the forest. Noiseless, if but for that laugh.

Aizen tried to process it. To come up with a logical, rational explanation. Telling himself it wasn't real. That it couldn't possibly be real. That this was some cheap illusion or trick. But there was no mistaking that face.

The face he had fallen in love with. That smile, those eyes. That laugh. That voice, too.

"Aizen-sama?" Not-Gin called to him in that same questioning, deferential tone from before. And his legs almost gave way under him. Because if that wasn't Gin, it was surely a very good imitation.

"Aizen-sama?" Not-Gin called out again. And he was hard pressed to keep his resolve to kill the hollow intact. It was rapidly crumbling now that Gin was in it's clutches somehow. Because that voice – Gin's voice – echoed in the forest, and it was so familiar, it took every single ounce of his concentration to not drop his sword.

Because doing that was to surrender. And Aizen Sousuke never surrendered. Never gave in. Never, never, never. He never yielded to the enemy. No matter how overwhelming the might of that enemy was.

He tightened his grip around his sword, just in case. He could _not_ fall apart. Not here. Not over this.

"Sousuke?" Not-Gin called again to him. A sound sweeter than any siren's song. And his step faltered, then. A sound in his throat _almost_ coming out as a desperate cry. He tried to breathe. To remain calm. Quickly found he couldn't.

No. It couldn't be real... could it?

Gin- ...Not-Gin, laughed, disturbing the quiet around them. And in that instant the world shrank right down to him and this Gin. With only the faint sunlight drifting down into the depths of the forest, illuminating the scene.

At least the light was on his side. It was bad enough in the _daytime._ He shuddered to think what this whole thing would be like to face in the dark. Though undoubtedly if he ever made it home alive, he would. In the nightmares.

Nonetheless, he swallowed thickly and tried to come up with a logical explanation. To prove to himself it wasn't real. Because it wasn't real, how could it possibly be real? Yet there was no mistaking the person in front of him.

 _It's not real,_ he told himself. _It's not Gin. It's just a cheap hollow trick._

But that logic was proving hard to follow. Because the thing in front of him looked exactly like Gin. Sounded exactly like Gin. Even _moved_ exactly like Gin. And was probably exactly like Gin in a few other aspects, too. Hell, it probably even _smelled_ like Gin. If he touched it, it'd probably feel like Gin, too.

He went cold all over. He had a healthier respect for his zanpaktou's abilities, now. Especially when Gin spoke again.

"You aren't going to hurt me, are you Aizen-sama?"

Azen swallowed. The only reaction he allowed himself. If that wasn't Gin, it was certainly a _**very**_ unsettling likeness. Right down to the confused expression.

His breath shook. His hands trembled as he gripped his zanpaktou. He couldn't attack, even if he wanted to.

_Fuck._

The hollow cackled. "What's the matter, shinigami?" it asked him. "Cat got your tongue?"

And then it smiled, wide and devious and for want of a better word, _sadistic._ "Or rather, _**Gin**_ got your tongue?"

Sousuke grit his teeth as the creature _laughed_ at him again. Sounding for all the world like the voice in his skull. Below it, 'Gin' smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. A small flaw in an otherwise perfect illusion.

"It's not real," Aizen told it. Mask sliding back into place. Fragile as it was right now. "It's not Gin."

"Do you think knowing that protects you?" The hollow asked. "How many others do you think died telling themselves that? Foolish boy."

" _Fuck_ you," Aizen hissed at it. The hollow just chuckled, and Not-Gin looked hurt, just as Aizen lunged for the kill. Blade poised to slice off that fucking Fisherman's head.

"Oh," Not-Gin said. "Now tha's not very nice. What'd I do to upset ya, Sousuke?"

Aizen's body stopped moving of its own accord, and he came to a sudden, undignified halt. Because it was Gin. It was _**Gin**_ , and not a single bone in his body could raise a hand to hurt him. Much less point a sword at him. Even though he knew better. Even though logic and reason dictated that it was merely an illusion. A ploy. A trick to immobilise him. It didn't matter the lure, the tentacle connecting the base of Gin's neck to the hollow's head existed – a dead giveaway it was all just a lie. His mind and heart were both completely fooled. So as soon as he heard Gin's voice, his body stopped in its tracks.

He stood staring at the image, no, the reconstruction of Gin's image, a chill running up his spine.

"I thought you loved me, Aizen-sama," 'Gin' said, dejected and hurt. Stabbing an invisible knife into his heart the only way Gin could; by hurting. "Why..." Gin looked at him pleadingly. "Why don't you love me?"

It was like a smash in the face. Because hadn't Gin asked him that already? His mind recalled it clearly, and the image of the past superimposed itself over the present. A drunken, upset Gin wailing in despair, asking Aizen to love him.

_'Why don't you want me, Aizen-sama?'_

_'Why don't you love me?'_

The image flickered back to the present day again in a burst of what felt like static. Aizen tried to breathe, an all too familiar vice around his lungs. Invisible needles in his heart like a pin cushion. His hands shook harder as he tried to keep his blade pointed at the creature looming over Gin. Though it was hard.

The hollow chuckled at his inner turmoil, clearly deriving much joy from it, and grinned widely at him. Showing off his overly large straight white teeth.

"It's simple psychology, boy," the beast explained. "You humans are wired up to protect those you _love._ Family. Friends. Lovers. It's sickening, of course, but that's just how you're made. Of course you can _try_ not to get attached to people, but by design you're social creatures and that's what you _do._ Form _attachments."_

The Grand Fisherman smirked then, knowing and sinister. "Grow _close_ to people."

It paused, savouring its victory for a moment. "Just like you did with _this_ one," it added, gesturing to the likeness of Gin standing before him. Placing its large, clawed talons onto Gin's shoulders. Proudly showing his 'Gin' off – just as Aizen had done.

"What do you think?" a very exact copy, no?"

Aizen could only snarl. There weren't enough curses in the three _worlds_ that could truly express his thoughts on that.

But he settled with, "Fuck you, asshole!"

The hollow laughed. _Seriously, would it ever stop laughing?_

"If that's the extent of your vocabulary, then I confess myself disappointed. Though your reaction is all the validation I need that I've created an effective weapon against you." it smirked, "Or did you _really_ think you had it in you to cut down your beloved Gin?"

"Ha, perhaps not, but I can surely cut _you_ down," Aizen recovered quickly, pointing his sword and gaze squarely at the Grand Fisher standing behind Gin.

The hollow grinned again. Wide, sinister, and malevolent. Chuckling darkly at a joke only he seemed to be in on. Just as Aizen watched the creature slowly disappear into Gin through the tentacle connecting them both.

"Yeah," he said, right before he migrated bodies. "Good luck with that, Sousuke."

. . .


	8. Chapter 8

Gin sensed his partner's spiritual energy and knew he was getting close. He might have felt comforted by the fact that Sousuke was still alive, if not for the extremely unsettling, utterly monstrous Hollow energy in such close proximity to the man.

"Shit, it's a big fucker," Gin hissed, getting ready to brandish Shinsou at the enemy to defend the person he loved. He didn't give a rats _ass_ what Sousuke thought about that. Or if he wanted him to stay out of the fight. No amount of masculine pride was worth risking your life for. It was not worth _dying_ for. In Gin's world, living to see another _day_ was _far_ more important than that bullshit.

He just hoped Sousuke shared that opinion. But if not then he'd take the lectures and the sarcasm and whatever punishment his good captain doled out to him. Because at least Sousuke would be alive to _be_ a sarcastic little shit about Gin saving his life. Among other things.

He felt Shinsou running beside him, the silver fox matching his pace, and steeled his resolve. Whatever lay waiting for him when he got there, he'd be ready for it. He was sure. Aizen had trained him well, so he was strong. And he had Shinsou with him, an excellent zanpaktou.

He could do this. Whatever happened, he would protect Sousuke.

. . .

Not-Gin lunged at him, laughing in Gin's voice. Aizen immediately went on the defensive, blocking with Kyouka Suigetsu. But that was all he could bring himself to do. He couldn't attack. It was Gin.

It was _Gin._ And he'd had far too many nightmares about losing control to Jacinto and beating his lovely Gin to a bloody pulp... or worse. Much, much worse...

Gin tried to stab him again, but he blocked it and leapt back, trying to land and remain upright. Because good _gods_ it even fought exactly like Gin. Every single movement the thing made a walking testament to just how much he'd taught Gin over their years together. Throwing him off much more than he liked to admit.

 _Sousuke,_ Kyouka called out to him. _Sousuke remember it's just an illusion. It's not Gin. Not really. Just his image._

Aizen refocused. His zanpaktou was right. It wasn't Gin. How could it be? Hadn't he just seen with his own eyes the monstrous hollow migrate into that false image of Gin? He gripped his sword firmly and gathered his resolve – or whatever was left of it – and then launched his attack, moving quick and swift. Not-Gin moved to draw Not-Shinsou, but not quick enough. Kyouka slashed his thin, pale arm as he dodged. Drawing blood.

Aizen leapt back ready to launch another attack, aiming right for the heart this time, but the look on Gin's face threw him right off kilter. He veered left at the last second, but he still cut a gash on Gin's forearm. Gin blinked down at his wound, horrified.

He'd never seen Gin look at him with such horror, hurt, and betrayal.

"You... you hurt me." Gin gaped, looking aghast at him. Incredulous and disbelieving as he clutched his bleeding forearm. "You re-really hurt me."

Sousuke sucked in a breath through his teeth and swallowed. Heart threatening to break free of his ribcage because he certainly hadn't imagined the pain in Gin's voice or the tears welling up in his eyes.

And again the image flickered. Like television static caught between channels. And him unable to look away from the screen.

_'I thought you loved me'._

His stance faltered again, and it was all he could do to remain standing.

"H-how could you hurt me?" Gin asked again. But Sousuke had no answer for him.

" _Why,_ Sousuke?" Gin asked, pleading for an answer Sousuke just couldn't give him.

"I..." even Sousuke's words faltered now. "I..."

 _Strike him!_ Kyouka urged him, pleading almost.

 _I... I can't._ His whole body was shaking. This was a horrible, twisted nightmare, and there was no way to wake up from it. That bastard hollow – this Grand Fisher – had taken the one thing, the _one good thing,_ in his life and turned it against him. Turned it into an infallible, flawless weapon that he just couldn't fight against.

 _Strike him now or die here!_ Kyouka pleaded again, but he was frozen solid.

"How could you?" Gin snarled, tears still rolling down his cheeks. "How _could_ you?"

He saw Gin reaching for Shinsou, but by the time he realised what was happening it was too late. The blade was already sailing through the air and plunging through his chest before he could even react. There was just enough time to look down and try to process what just happened before Shinsou retracted and blood gushed from the wound. Aizen could only stare, dumbfounded. His heart was a ship in a storm, with no lighthouse to guide him to shore. He didn't know how he was still on his feet.

"You _hurt_ me," Gin said again, confused and hurt and angry. "Ya said ya'd never hurt me."

Aizen swallowed thickly. "Gin, I... I'm so-" but he didn't get to say any more because large clawed talons smashed into him from behind, ripping the skin off his back before he got kicked face first into the dirt.

He groaned as he dragged himself up, coughing and spluttering. Sure that this was what it felt like to be poisoned. As he staggered to his feet, he knew he shouldn't have been surprised to see the ghastly hollow standing there.

"Give up yet, boy?" it sneered.

"Never." Aizen spat.

"Pity. I was hoping you'd do this the easy way."

"Like hell I'm just going to lay down and let you eat me." Aizen snarled.

"Oh... shame, that. As you wish, then. Come at me then. Just try it. See what happens."

Aizen didn't need to be told twice. He tightened his grip on his zanpaktou and leapt at the hollow, fuelled with rage. _How dare you,_ he thought. _How dare you use the person I love against me._

He was ready to strike the white masked demon, so focused on where his sword was going to cut through that he wasn't aware of anything else. So when Gin appeared between him and the hollow, metal had already pierced pale flesh with a sickening noise before he took notice.

When he did notice though, bile rose in his throat.

His eyes widened in horror at what he'd just done, and the monster _laughed._ The sound in stereo bouncing in his ears. Mocking him as it always had.

The Fisher hollow laughed, too. Having successfully deployed its meatshield and subsequently disturbed its victim.

"Sousuke?" Gin choked out. Coughing and splattering more blood. "Why?" Incredulous, tear-filled eyes looked up at him. "I thought you loved me?"

"Gin," he began, feeling sick. Finally living the nightmares the voice had so often shown him. "I'm... I'm sorr-"

But the hollow impaled Aizen again, spearing its talons right through the hyper-realistic image Gin to get to him. The world fell out of focus after that, except for the echoing laughter.

Good. He deserved pain. He deserved death after what he'd just done.

Because even if it _was_ an illusion, it _felt_ real enough.

 _If this is the end,_ Aizen thought to himself, just as the world went dark. _Please, let it be quick._

_. . ._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: I forgot to mention this last time, but the scene in the previous chapter where Fisher throws back Gin's lines at Aizen - lines that were actually used - are taken from a later Game scene I had planned (which unfortunately didn't make the cut, but i may yet use). That scene can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14341038/chapters/34338965
> 
> Again deepest gratitude to Cat for enthusiastically enabling this, and HK for helping me catch the silliest of typos I somehow managed to miss. (The ONE time I am grateful for my lack of traffic is when I mess up like that) Anyway enjoy the fic.

When he'd pinpointed Sousuke's location, Gin crashed through the trees onto the scene, eyes frantically searching for his partner. Bristling for a fight. Ready to kill whoever or whatever threatened his partner.

When his eyes landed on the broken, bleeding body of his lover, he had to stop the anguished cry from escaping his throat. Seeing Sousuke like that, bruised and bleeding a frightening amount of blood under a tree, a ridiculously large hollow leering over him, filled him with a fear colder than any ice. The creature that did this to his Sousuke would pay with its life.

So he made himself focus and move, quick as a fox, swift as a deer, calm as still water.

" _Shoot to kill,"_ he breathed, zanpaktou already drawn, as he instinctively flash stepped to put himself between the monster and Sousuke, calling Shinsou and swinging his blade out to keep those teeth away from Sousuke. He was hoping for a killing blow, a nice, quick, and more importantly _clean_ end to this. But unfortunately it leapt out of the blade's path and Gin hit its shoulder. Not a killing blow, but still, it kept the thing away from Sousuke.

The creature recovered and lunged for him again, and Gin impaled it with Shinsou, goring it right through and sending it into the thick forest. Impaling it into a tree some distance away.

Gin retracted his zanpaktou again, knowing it wouldn't be long before it came back again. Gin cursed under his breath and grit his teeth. That had been a close one. Too close.

Reluctant to take his eyes off the forest, Gin stepped backwards until he was nearly standing on top of Sousuke. Heart beating like a trapped hummingbird, hoping he wasn't dead.

"Sousuke?" he called. "Sousuke can ya hear me?" And he waited with bated breath for a response.

After a few dreadful, heart stopping moments, he heard Sousuke's voice, "Gin?" and the relief hit him like a tsunami. It would have made his knees weak and his legs collapse under him, were it not for the adrenaline surging through his veins and his instincts kicking in.

Later... later, he'd let himself feel relieved. Later, he'd let himself feel the gratitude that his Sousuke was still alive. Preferably with a large bottle of rum. Right now though, the fight wasn't over. And he actually had to _get_ him home alive.

. . .

Aizen stirred, slowly opening his eyes. Groaning at the pain. Gin? Was that Gin's voice? What was Gin doing here?

Was the hollow going to finish him off?

"Gin?" he called out, his voice hoarse. His eyes focusing to see Gin standing over him. Defending him.

"Thank fuck," he heard Gin sigh in relief. And then arms were helping him to stand. "Can ya stand up?"

Oh. Not the hollow. The actual Gin.

"I think so."

Or so he hoped.

"Are there more hollows?" Gin asked him, his voice sharp and urgent. All business. He hadn't known what to expect, but he supposed now wasn't the time for softness. Aizen tried to recall, sure he 'd been seeing double at one point, but the pain made it difficult to remember what happened. "Are there more?!" Gin repeated, louder. More desperate. "Answer me, damn it!"

"No," Aizen coughed. "Just one."

"Good, I'll kill 'im for ya." Gin told him. "You just stay behind me. Do **_not_** leave my side."

Aizen wanted to laugh and make a suggestive comment, something about being joined at the hips, but his ribs were too sore and his ears were still ringing a little. And it was probably the concussion thinking anyway. He shook the idea away and refocused. "That would be grand," he said, smiling despite the immense pain he was in and clutching his arm. Trying to stand steady and not fall down. "Just be careful. It's an aberrant. And it's strong. I advise you kill it quickly."

. . .

Gin nodded. "Must be if it gave _you_ trouble," he said, smiling. He kept a wary eye on the trees in case the enemy returned, but there was enough lightness in his tone to convey the compliment. It certainly did make him feel a little better.

"Just be cautious," Aizen told him.

"I'll be careful," Gin nodded. "Anything I should keep in mind when I fight this thing?"

"Kill it before it deploys its meatshield."

Gin blinked. Confused. "Meatshield?"

"Just kill it quickly," Aizen said cooly.

Gin nodded firmly. The knot in his chest a little looser now. His mind cleared. A part of him wanted to ask what happened when Sousuke fought it. This terrifying creature with the wide grin and deathly white mask. With its birdlike talons and thick dark fur. Any information right now would be most helpful. But he got the feeling that now wasn't the time. That he'd be opening a whole can of worms, somehow, if he asked. And even if he did ask, who's to say Aizen would even give him an _answer._ He shook the thoughts away. No, asking would gain him nothing. Sousuke already shut down him probing about the 'meatshield' and clammed up. So Gin knew he wouldn't get anything more out of him.

So instead he just refocused on the trees and waited for the enemy to reappear. And take Aizen's advice to kill it quickly when it did. Because usually if Aizen told him to do something in battle, there was usually a very good reason for it.

. . .

It didn't take long for the creature to reappear again. They heard it's laugh first. The dark, sinister sound bouncing round the trees, hiding where the beast itself was. And Sousuke never felt more like prey in his life. Sure, he could defend himself if it came to it, but what would it cost him? But at least he had Gin to rely on. Gin wouldn't let him down. His Gin was steady, dependable. Everything he needed.

He still went cold though, as the thing re-emerged through the trees in front of them both, laughing. It was the exact same sound

"Ah, how sweet," it said, "So you've come to protect loverboy."

"Of course," Gin answered, managing a fiendish smirk. "Can't just let 'im die on me."

The hollow laughed. "Funny that, he was just telling me how he didn't care about anyone."

Gin's hackles raised. "Clearly you're wrong, then." Gin growled. "Cuz that's what's gonna save his sorry ass. That he cares. That I care."

Aizen winced at the 'sorry ass' part - even though at the present moment it was true. Hell, _**all of it**_ _was true._ But he watched. And he waited.

"Oh? Is that so?" the monster smiled and inched closer. Obviously salivating at the thought of more fresh meat. Tender white meat to go with the red.

To his everlasting credit, Gin didn't balk. Instead, he pointed his zanpaktou at the Fisherman and didn't move an inch.

"You stay away from him you piece of shit." Gin ground out. Not once taking his eyes off the enemy. Even though he probably wanted to. A part of him was proud; he'd taught Gin well.

The hollow just chuckled, voice deep and unsettling. "Oh, I don't think so," it said. And it _grinned._ It grinned, dark and twisted, and Aizen's stomach lurched because he knew what it was thinking.

Because here, it had two victims and all of the knowledge it needed to subdue and devour them. And Aizen knew that if he fell to this monster, a man who'd thought he'd cared for nothing and no-one for years, Gin – his soft little fox – wouldn't stand a chance. Alright, he knew he should give Gin the credit he was due, but... he doubted anyone could cut down even an image of someone they loved and not be scarred by it.

Because he certainly would be. The events of this day would scar him forever. And if he lived through this day, he'd have to go home and live with it.

He knew he'd be able to. He'd lived with much worse things.

But he doubted Gin could. It might break Gin irreparably.

That's why it had to die before it could make use of that ability.

"Gin, you have to kill it." he urged. Gin didn't answer. "Don't engage with it, just kill it."

Again Gin didn't answer him. And the hollow laughed again, the exact same sound it made last time before it-

He sucked in air through clenched teeth, blood cold as ice now and frozen to the spot. Gin likewise watching transfixed. He watched it glow and change shape again. Taking on more feminine features. An hourglass figure. Warm eyes. Soft smile. The flash of auburn as hair grew, long and lustrous. The colour of sunsets. The colour that instantly brought marigold flowers to mind.

Marigolds for grief. For pain. For trouble.

Trouble that would surely follow if they didn't stop this nightmarish creature as soon as possible, if he could just blast it far away enough...

"Is that...?" Gin said quietly, watching with a mixture of horror and fascination. Though Aizen could only see the back of his head. "Ran-"

" _Kill it_ _ **now!"**_ he shouted. And to his credit Gin didn't flinch at his volume, but instead just tensed ready for battle, aiming Shinsou right at the Fisherman's heart. Aizen simultaneously summoned enough energy from his rapidly depleting reserves for the most destructive hadou he could think of. One that would _kill_ the fucker before it could start throwing _more_ nightmare fuel around.

Especially before it could throw any at Gin.

Gin snapped himself out of his horrified daze and raised Shinsou for what Aizen hoped would be the killing blow.

"Shoot to kill," Gin breathed his zanpaktou, and Aizen fired the kidou, and hit it. It wasn't the strongest of kidou, but the smoke from the blast obscured most of the target's new form. Enough to give Gin clarity of thought to kill it. It was placing a _lot_ of trust in Gin's aim, and that was assuming the Fisherman was too blinded to move or react – but they were fast, and the whole thing only lasted about three seconds. Gin shot Shinsou out and impaled the creature, goring it right through the chest. Transformation halted, it began reverting back to its original form, and Aizen listened with satisfaction as it cursed them for bastards and gave them death threats.

Gin didn't stop to listen, he just retracted Shinsou and impaled it again. And again. And again. Gin was about ready to put it out of its misery, with one final shot to the head, but by then the bleeding thing was already scuttling away into the forest like the cockroach it was.

Gin would have hunted it down like prey, but that would mean leaving an injured Sousuke. And he couldn't do that. He refused to leave him alone again, especially after this. So instead, Gin watched it go, with more than a little disgust. _Coward_ , he thought. But really he was just angry it hurt Sousuke. He was angry with himself, too, for even agreeing to split up in the first place. He sighed. He'd be kicking himself forever for that.

"Gin," Sousuke called to him, and Gin faced him immediately. The darkness in his expression instantly wiped away and replaced with concern as he helped to keep his partner standing.

"S'okay, I'm here."

"Is it... is it gone?"

"Yeah," Gin said softly, "It's gone. Now c'mon, let's go home. Dunno 'bout you but this place gives me the creeps." he said, trying to smile.

"Yeah," Aizen managed a smile through what had to be a catastrophic amount of pain. "Home sounds good."

. . .

When they both made it back to the rendezvous point to meet with the rest of their men, Gin realised Aizen wasn't really fit to command. Hell, even just remaining upright seemed to be an effort for him. Even though the man tried to put on a brave face for the troops, Gin wasn't fooled. His partner needed his wounds seeing to, and they were far beyond the skill of his field kidou. And even that wasn't worth much.

Of course, Aizen had conjured up an illusion of himself looking to be in peak physical health for their men. Glasses in place instead of lost in the woods somewhere, and not a speck of blood on his clothes. To keep up his image of the untouchable captain, he presumed. But Gin knew the truth. He was bruised and battered, and needed to go home and rest.

"A'ight, is everybody here?" Gin asked their gathered forces, scanning the faces and doing a quick headcount and noticing there were a few missing. But then there were always casualties on these missions. He was just glad Sousuke wasn't one of them. "Everyone who's still alive, anyway."

He was answered with a round of _aye_ 's and _yes sir_ 's, and he nodded at them all.

"Right then. Let's move out."

This was, of course, met with some derision from a small handful of soldiers. Ones who'd never been quite comfortable with Gin, a Rukongai street rat, commanding them. People who hated him.

"But, shouldn't the captain give the orders?" one piped up. The audacity of it all set Gin's teeth on edge.

He turned around to face the speaker and snarled. Seriously. He did not have time for this. "I _said_ move out!" he barked, trying to avoid foul language. Aizen always said if a commander used foul language it diminished his men's respect for him instantly. "Now do I need to have you imprisoned for insubordination or will you _do_ as your superior officer has _commanded you?"_

Gin kept his gaze fixed onto the large man's, refusing to be intimidated by his disposition or size. If push came to shove, Gin could take this guy. But the beads of sweat dripping down the guy's forehead told Gin he was actually as intimidating as he felt he was being. Either that, or he must have looked especially pissed off. Although the fact that there was still hollow blood on Shinsou, still drawn and in his hand because he'd refused to sheath it on the walk back with Sousuke, just in case, probably didn't hurt either. In fact, it probably only added to the effect.

He watched some of their men quiver with what he knew was fear.

 _Good. Let em all see I'm a killer,_ he thought. A touch bitter. _Let em finally gimme some respect. Let em all know I don't take no shit._

"Ye-yes sir," the man who'd challenged him answered sheepishly. "Understood."

Gin smiled broadly. "Good. That's what I thought." he said, faking a little innocence. Hey, he could be mercurial in his moods, too. At least around the underlings. It wasn't just Aizen who could do that. "Now open up the senkaimon. We're going home."

The men moved – rather quickly, Gin noted – to obey their orders, and he risked a glance at Sousuke. Catching the unmistakable pride in his partner's eyes, and the approval, despite the tiredness of his smile. Gin couldn't help smiling back. Finally it seemed he'd done something right. All there was left to do now was go home, rest, recover, and celebrate a successful mission.

At least, that was his plan right up until Sousuke hit the deck, probably passing out from blood loss. Thankfully not one of the men argued with him when he issued the orders to get their captain back to the fourth division for medical care ASAP.

. . .


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes: Gin angst. *readies mug of reader tears* i hope you enjoy getting your hearts ripped out because it's only downhill from here. Again i might sit down and write some post Fisher stories just to explore this and the fallout of these events because angst is my bread and butter and post them if there is interest.

Some time later, Gin sat in a chair in the fourth at Sousuke's bedside, holding his hand as the man slept. Trying not to think about how grave his partner's injuries had been. Of course they hadn't _looked_ major, but... the hollow must have hit some major organs, and there was a lot of blood loss... Captain Unohana had said Sousuke was lucky to even be alive at all. Hence the machines monitoring his heartrate and respiration, and the oxygen mask. He'd been asleep for several days. And for every one of those days Gin had been beside him. Willing and waiting for him to wake up again. Unohana had said he'd come back to them in his own time, but knowing Sousuke, the man would be late to his own damn funeral... Gin shook that thought off immediately. No. He would not go there. He couldn't. It was bad enough dealing with the nagging thoughts that Sousuke wouldn't _want_ to come back and deal with reality, with him, without adding more fuel to that fire.

Gin inhaled a deep, shaky breath and wished for one of Sousuke's cigarettes. It didn't matter that he didn't smoke or the taste was awful, he just wanted something to calm his nerves. It always seemed to calm Sousuke down, anyway.

"Oh, Sousuke," he sighed. "What happened to you out there?"

Receiving no answer, Gin began tracing the scars under Sousuke's left eyebrow, remembering the last time he'd been hospitalised. Sousuke had been a huge _dumbass_ and walked smack into a lampost, giving himself a concussion. He _should_ have been watching where he was going, but the fool had been looking at _him_ instead. They laughed about it later, after Gin had snuck in through the window to visit him after visiting hours were over. Because _doors are for people with no imagination._ Gin would've said he deserved it if he didn't look so pitiful afterwards. Of course Gin had paid for laughing at him for that later, when he walked into that glass door of the restaurant...

Gin smiled at the memory, despite his current worries.

"Oh, you're still here?"

Gin looked up to find Unohana standing in the doorway, observing. He wished she'd go observe somewhere else.

"Yeh," he said. "I'm still here."

"You should go home and rest," she said. Gin shook his head slowly. Go? Leave? No. No, he couldn't do that. What if Sousuke woke up and he wasn't there? What if the hollow came back? What if there was some other unseen threat lurking in the shadows just waiting to strike...

No. Gin couldn't leave him. Not again.

"I'd rather stay," he said. She sighed in answer.

"I thought you'd say that," she said, walking over to him. "Here, I made you some tea."

Gin took the offered mug of hot tea and let the warmth of it seep into his hands as he sipped it. It didn't fill him with the same warmth as Sousuke's teas did, but it would do. "Thanks."

"Just try to get some rest, lieutenant," she said gently. Which Gin quietly translated as 'go home and stop hanging around my ward'. Gin bit back a sarcastic comment – she _did_ save Sousuke's life and sarcasm was _not_ the way to repay that. So he took another sip of the tea he'd been given. Of course, it wasn't the same as Sousuke's – nothing could beat that. But it was still nice. And it still warmed him through, which he appreciated.

"Listen, Gin," she said, interrupting his reverie. "I know how much you love him. You're a good tether to this world for him, so have some faith. He loves you, and he'll come back to you when he's ready. In the meantime, finish your tea and go home." she told him. "But if you must stay... there's spare blankets and pillows in the cupboard. Just ask one of the nurses, and they'll get some for you."

Gin could only blink in surprise at her words. Perhaps he'd misjudged her after all. But before he could say anything she'd already left him alone with Sousuke and his own thoughts in the quiet of the night.

He sat in his chair, holding his tea and watching Sousuke. The question of what exactly happened to him in that forest still swirling about in his mind. Captain Unohana had said he'd suffered a wound that by all accounts should have killed him. And that alone raised so many questions. Questions it seemed only Sousuke could answer.

_He must have been standing unarmed, or with his guard lowered._ She'd said. _Based on the wound and its location._

_But why?_ Gin asked, desperate for answers. _Why wouldn't he defend himself?_

_I don't know. But we can deal with that later. Right now saving his life takes priority._

He pulled himself back to the present again and looked down at his sleeping lover. His partner. Wondering, again, _what on earth happened. Why wouldn't you defend yourself? What did that monster **do** to you?_

He thought about what he saw of the hollow. How, in the moments before Sousuke fired that kidou and obscured it with smoke, it seemed to change into an eerily familiar shape.

_Ran._

Of course, it might have been just his eyes playing tricks on him. He might have been seeing things. Or hallucinating. Or seeing only what the monster wanted him to see through some hypnosis ability, not unlike Sousuke's Kyouka Suigetsu. But he doubted it. His instincts were telling him what he saw hadn't been a trick, or an illusion, that he had seen what he'd seen. Some version of Ran... Not-Ran... had appeared in the forest if only for a moment, in the place of what the bureau of research and development had codenamed _Grand Fisher_ based on his physical description of the fiend.

Gin thought about this not-Ran, coming up with ideas. Theories of what might have happened. But there was nothing concrete. He had only assumptions based on a few seconds of observation and a glowing silhouette. Nothing much to go on. Not really.

But then... what did that mean for Sousuke? If the hollow knew enough to use Ran against him – and it was a big _**if**_ – who had it used against Aizen? How had it managed to bring one of the most powerful men he knew literally to his knees?

He dragged his gaze away from the wall, loosening his vice-like grip on his mug. Sighed. Tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in his chest as he looked back at Sousuke again.

_What happened to you?_

He breathed shakily again. There wasn't nearly enough alcohol in his system to even _begin_ to dissect that question.

Gin closed his eyes for a moment, quickly managing his priorities. The important thing was that Sousuke was alive. That the poison was steadily working its way out of his system. That his wounds were healing quickly and there'd be no lasting damage. That, physically at least, he'd be fine. Mentally though... if his theories were correct...

Gin exhaled very slowly, eyes on his lovers face beneath the oxygen mask. Mentally was another matter entirely.

Because Gin knew what happened must have left some scars. He could feel it. Things would be changed, now. And when he woke up, Sousuke would need him to be there.

Gin just wished he knew how to help when that happened. But he'd just have to wait until Sousuke woke up to find out how he could do that. Then they could deal with the fallout of the events in the forest together.

In the meantime, Gin resigned himself to another sleepless night, trying to stay awake to avoid dreaming of the worst case scenarios his mind could come up with for what happened to the man he loved more than anything in the world in that godforsaken forest.

. . .


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: so exhausted but at least all I have to do today is click post. Hope you enjoy the rest :)

Sound returned to him first. Then movement. Aizen twitched his fingers, testing them. Sensation came back slower in the rest of his body, but began in his fingers, flowing through into his hands. He had the vague sensation of laying on a soft, fluffy cloud, totally at peace. Feeling serene, with the waves of the ocean echoing somewhere in the distance. It was silent, peaceful, calm inside his mind. And if this was a dream, then he wanted it to never end.

His eyes flickered open last of all, reluctant though he was to open them. It was dark, the night-time already cloaking the world, and for that he was grateful. If it'd been daytime, there'd be people, and the world would be blindingly bright, and he'd be poked and prodded and asked too many questions about what happened. And then he'd be forced to put on a show again when he didn't have the energy to. Even though he had to. Because the show had to go on. And there was always more show. But at least this time his body had been merciful and woken up in the quiet and stillness of the night.

He was in the fourth – again. He'd vowed never to be back here as a patient after The Lamp Post Incident and his subsequent concussion. But he was here again. Nobody would blame him, of course. But even so, his pride was stinging over it. He really should be able to hold his own in battle. Especially in a one on one fight. Instead, he'd lost his nerve, suffered a shameful beating, and failed to land even a mortally wounding blow. _It was pathetic._

If it hadn't been for Gin...

_Gin!_

Sousuke's eyes snapped open. _Gin._ Was he still here? Where was he? Had he been forced to leave? Or worse – had the Grand Fisherman come back to finish them off? He wouldn't mind dying himself, in defence of the man he loved, but Gin shouldn't share that fate. Gin deserved to live and be happy and-

_Calm down Sousuke,_ Kyouka soothed. The gentle voice of his zanpaktou putting quick rest to his fears. And staving off the anxiety attack and stop the hyperventilating. He forced himself to take a deep, slow breath. In and out. Evidently his mind was still in fight-of-flight mode, and needed a little time to catch onto the fact that he wasn't in any immediate danger anymore, and neither was Gin.

_That's it, just relax,_ she told him. _You're safe now. Gin's just over there. Just close your eyes and breathe. Nothing can hurt you here._

He did as she told him, breathing deeply. Resisting the frantic, insane urge to search around and destroy whatever lay in his path until he found Gin – at least until his erratic heartbeat slowed the fuck down. The constant beeping wasn't helping matters much, though. Honestly, it was like-

"Sou?"

He opened his eyes and found himself staring up at a white ceiling in a dark room. He knew that voice.

"Gin?" he croaked, trying not to wince at how hoarse he sounded. How long had he been out for?

"Sousuke," Gin called out for him again, nearer now, and he tried to pull himself into a sitting position. Every joint, every muscle screamed at their use, but he ignored the pain. Besides, he'd ignored worse. All that mattered was Gin. That he was alive, unhurt. That he didn't bear the scars he'd inflicted on Gin's impostor.

"Gin?"

He squinted in the darkness, searching for the light of his Moon, and suddenly Gin was there, taking his hand and calming his frayed nerves. Real and solid in such an uncertain world.

"Oh thank god, yer awake," Gin sighed, relieved. "S'alrigh' now, I'm here. I'm here."

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off him, just hearing Gin's voice and holding Gin's hand. He could breathe easily again, knowing he was safe, alive, whole.

Well... he hoped it was Gin anyway. For all he knew, that impostor could still be around. Fair enough, he was back in the Soul Society, but that wasn't to say the bastard hadn't followed him. Tracked him down and now lay waiting for the perfect moment to bite...

There was simply no way of telling. The hollow had perfectly replicated Gin based on all his memories. His quirks, insecurities, mannerisms, voice... even his spiritual energy. Wholly indistinguishable from the real thing. The odds were slim of it not being Gin with him right now, but they were still odds. And the odds were _never_ in his favour.

He had to find out. Somehow he had to find out if the Gin sitting next to him helping him sit up was the genuine article – his Gin. Or if it was Not-Gin. A mammoth task to be sure. But he'd gotten out of stickier situations. There would only be a problem if this Gin was indeed the impostor. Because then the real Gin would _**definitely**_ be at risk. Nevermind his sorry ass, if Gin got hurt because of his carelessness he'd _never_ forgive himself. It was why he'd taken on the Face Stealer, so Gin wouldn't have to. So he could keep Gin as far away as physically possible from any sort of danger. As far away as their line of work allowed anyway.

He'd even placed himself between Gin and the voice on numerous occasions, to keep him safe. Because who knew what the Monster would do if he wasn't there to stop it. It was too chilling to even think about. It was the stuff of nightmares. More specifically, _his_ nightmares. Always in the back of his mind, lurking like unwanted visitors. Uninvited guests.

He breathed out shakily and tried to push those nightmares away. His mind wracking itself for a way he could be sure it was _his_ Gin beside him and not the impostor Fisher hollow. There must be some way, something... some question he could ask...

_Think,_ he told himself. _What's something only my Gin would know._

After a moment, he had his question. It might work. He didn't recall ever telling Gin he hated the drink.

It was worth a try, anyway.

"Gin," he said slowly, his words careful and deliberate. Can you get me a cup of coffee?"

. . .

Gin blinked at him quizzically. Quite confused. "Coffee?" he echoed. For as long as he'd known the man, Sousuke never _once_ drank coffee. Given the choice, it was always tea. _Always._

This... had to be some sort of trick question, right? His Sousuke only ever drank tea. Gin had once remarked it was too bitter to drink and the man had made a noise that Gin could only interpret as agreement.

Gin tilted his head, like an unsure fox, pondering for a moment on the out of place statement.

"Sousuke," he said softly, "You don't drink coffee."

He smiled affectionately at his lover, squeezing his hand, looking at him without a lick of judgement in his eyes. "You drink tea, Sou."

Sousuke smiled at him in answer and pulled him gently into an embrace, warm as the sun in the sky. Gin had to admit he was a little surprised by the sudden tenderness – neediness even – but rationalised that whatever happened in the forest with Grand Fisher must have been absolutely terrifying if it had shaken Sousuke up this much. Either way, Gin wasn't going to question it. At least not right now. For the moment, if Sousuke needed to hold him, then he'd let himself be held and return the embrace. And whenever Sousuke was ready to talk, he'd listen.

He heard Aizen sigh in relief into his ear, and felt his heartbeat calm. "Tea would be perfect," he said softly.

. . .


	12. Chapter 12

Meanwhile, relief gently worked its way through Sousuke's body as he held his Moon close. _Oh, thank god. You're the real Gin. You're_ _ **my**_ _Gin._ He sighed again, relaxing into his partner. Holding onto him for a little while longer. _Just one more moment,_ he prayed. _Just one more moment to hold him, that's all I ask, before I have to let him go. Just one more. Just one more moment..._

Gin gave him a gentle squeeze, before gently releasing him. Carefully and ever so gently prising Aizen's arms and fingers away. "I'll go get us some tea," Gin smiled at him, just as carefully standing to leave. And when he left, Aizen had to fight the urge to get up and follow him like a little puppy. Like how Cherry always followed Gin around the house whenever there was a promise of food or playtime or cuddles. He certainly felt like a lost little fox in need of reassurance and comfort.

He took the mask off his face.

The quiet in his mind now Gin wasn't in the room was unsettling. Surely the voice would want to rub it in that it knew. And that he knew that Aizen knew. And that now it was going to make his life even more of a living hell than it was before. He didn't know how, not yet, but he knew it would. The most unnerving part was the not knowing. That made it worse.

 _In my head it's like hell,_ Aizen thought to himself. _And it'll only be worse now. It knows. And everything is worse now. I don't know how much worse it'll be, but it'll be worse. Everything will be worse._

_Everything._

_Worse._

_Everything._

His hands were shaking as he tried to push the thoughts and possibilities away. Eyes casting about for five things he could see to defuse the panic growing inside him before he began hyperventilating. Thankfully, Gin returned a few minutes later with a mug in each hand. Which did wonders for the defusing. He didn't even have to fake the smile that blossomed on his face as Gin walked back over to him and handed him his tea. Another one of his _'goofy idiot grins'_ as Gin liked to call them, but he didn't care. Not when there was warmth spreading through his chest as their fingers brushed together when the mug changed hands. Making red tulips spring to mind.

He accepted the mug with both hands and took small sips of it. Savouring the taste. Letting it defrost him from the inside out. Letting it thaw him out.

And gods knew he needed thawing after being hauled out of that ice.

Gin sat down on the hospital bed next to him, gently leaning against him so they were shoulder to shoulder. Sighing softly.

"Thought I'd lost ya fer a bit there," he said quietly. Dropping his guard a little, since there was no-one else around. Sousuke could afford no such luxury, but given recent events, he supposed he could allow himself one night of weakness.

Or if not one night, then one moment.

"For a minute there you did," he said quietly. "But it'll take more than that to get rid of me."

"Fisher sure did try, though." Gin added soberly. "Either way, 'm glad you're still here."

Sousuke smiled. "Me too," he said, and put his arm around Gin and pulled his lover flush against him. Because what else was there to say? That _everything is worse now because_ _ **do you realise the danger you're in?**_

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Gin asked him. "What happened. You did nearly die."

Aizen took a deep breath. And he asked himself the question: _do I need to talk about it?_

He wanted to. A small, selfish part of him wanted to. But he thought better of it. Right now, Gin needed reassuring that he was alright. Not for him to come apart. And especially not because of Grand Fisher.

He pushed those thoughts away for the moment and allowed Gin's presence to ground him.

"Not today," he said quietly. "Just... I can't."

"Okay," Gin said gently. "But if you change yer mind, I'll be here to listen. You know that, right? If ever you wanna talk, I'll sit an' listen."

"I know." He smiled. "And thanks."

"Anytime," Gin answered. "Just... don't scare me like that again. You coulda died."

Aizen smiled and squeezed Gin closer. "Ah. I'm afraid the world doesn't get to be rid of me that easily," he added with a little smirk. Albeit a tired one. "I'm like the plague. Can't get rid of me."

Gin chuckled a little at that. "Plague my ass." he snorted. "More like a bad infection. But yeh. Knowin' you, you'd probably tell Death to go an' fuck himself just outta pure stubborness."

Sousuke couldn't help but chuckle at that, too. "Yes," he said, smiling a little wider now. "That does sound like me. Especially if it meant coming back to see you again."

He felt, rather than saw, Gin smile softly at that. "Yeah, I thought it might," he said, and took a sip of his tea. Sousuke did the same.

"Good," Gin said. "Cuz I forbid ya to die. You don't get to die and leave me alone."

"Gotcha."

"Ya listenin'?" Gin said again. Pointing his finger. "No dying!"

"Yes, dear. No dying. Understood."

"Good."

They drank the rest of their tea in a companionable silence, the tea warming them right through. And when the mugs were empty, Gin took the mask off him completely so they could cuddle up to sleep together. Gin snuggled close to him, and slowly he drifted off to sleep with his Gin in his arms.

Later, the dread would come, and the nightmares, and the panic, and the cold dark fear, and the hellish voice with its new leverage. And later he'd have to deal with that. But for now the voice was silent, and Sousuke was grateful for that very small mercy as he held onto the one good thing left in his worthless life.

. . .


	13. Chapter 13

It was several hours later, sometime in the early morning that he was woken. He'd been having the most wonderful dream. He was with Gin in a nice park somewhere, and they were both laying on the grass. He was happy, and though he couldn't explain why, he knew the voice didn't exist anymore. Life was good. Life was perfect. They even had a child, a little boy, and their two foxes underfoot. The life he'd dreamed of for so very, very long... and he was living that dream. Until someone gently shook him out of it and back into the land of the waking again.

He tried not to grouch too much, though, because that someone was Gin, and he'd brought him a fresh mug of tea. He groaned softly, sat up slowly, and took the offered tea with a smile. Just like the last mug, it was warm and good, and made just how he liked it. Sousuke did a quick inventory of his wounds. Several bruises, a dull headache, what felt like several bruised ribs... he'd really gotten his ass handed to him. He cursed mentally at the bastard hollow for getting under his skin long enough to find a weakness to exploit. And he cursed at himself for letting it.

_Next time,_ he told himself. _Next time I'll be better._

"Ya slept like a corpse," Gin said jokingly, smiling. "Normally I aint ever up before you. Ya musta needed it."

"Must have," Aizen smiled. Gin sat down next to him on the bed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "How ya feelin' now yer rested?"

He had to smile. "Better," he admitted. "Especially now you're here."

Gin laughed softly. "I never even left," he said lightly. "Well, 'cept to make the tea. I thought they'd kick me out when it got so late, what with it bein' after visitin' hours an' all. But nobody came and when I woke up the sun was up too."

He had to smile at that, too. "I guess they didn't want to disturb us."

An image flashed into his mind then of someone – Isane, Unohana, he couldn't say who – going around the ward in the night and checking on the patients. Stopping and seeing them together. They probably debated waking them and sending Gin home, but ultimately decided against it. Probably under the lame excuse that rest and contentment were conducive to healing.

"Well, have they _seen_ ya when yer angry?" Gin teased. "I wouldn't wanna disturb ya either."

Aizen had to snicker a little. That was true enough. The last person to come between him and Gin was Urahara, and he'd gotten beaten to a bloody pulp for his trouble. "True enough," he smiled conspiratorially. "Also _**I**_ can't even wake you up when you don't wish to be woken. Or get you out of bed when you don't want to leave it. None of them would stand a _chance."_

Gin snickered a bit and took a sip of his own tea. "True 'nough," he grinned. "Still, I'm glad yer on my side."

"I'm always on your side." Aizen answered.

Gin nodded. "Tha's good to know. Rather you attack the hollows than me."

Aizen smiled at that. "Yes," he said, taking another sip of his tea. "I agree."

. . .

They spent the rest of the morning together on the ward. Drinking their tea and talking. Though Gin avoided the subject of what happened in the forest. Sousuke didn't bring it up either, so Gin decided it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. The last thing Sousuke needed was his prying. If Aizen wanted to talk about it, he'd talk about it. Until then, Gin would wait. And just be the friendly face he needed while he recovered.

In sickness and in health, til death did they part. Just like he'd promised.

They talked about everything and nothing. Work. Home. How Cherry and Tsuku would be so damn excited when they finally came home. Nice, safe topics. At lunchtime, Gin ran to the little shop on the corner and brought some fruit, chocolates for when Sousuke was feeling a bit better, and a book of crossword puzzles. When he got back, the pair of them cuddled up together in Aizen's hospital bed and did some crosswords.

Well, Sousuke did the crosswords. Gin just curled up against him under his arm and helped with the occasional word he got stuck on. And fed Sousuke grapes.

They must have made quite the image, lazing together. Because quite a few of the ward staff members paused to watch them, and a pair of nurses giggled as they walked by. Gin glared after the two girls. _How dare they laugh,_ he thought. But then Sousuke's voice called to him and his anger was quickly forgotten.

"What's another word for 'want'?" Sousuke asked softly.

"How many letters?"

"Six."

"Hmm," Gin thought for a moment, counting letters and words in his head. "Desire."

"Ah," Sousuke smiled, pleased. "Yes, that fits perfectly, thankyou."

"Yer welcome."

Gin smiled tenderly at his lover, though he made no effort at all to move. He was simply far too comfortable. He was a lazy little fox basking in the warmth of his sun. He was just thinking how, apart from Sousuke's injuries, and the fact they were in hospital, this was a perfect saturday afternoon.

Of course, it'd be even _more_ perfect if they would let Sousuke go home to recover. But he supposed the head injuries would delay that a little. Especially since he'd had a concussion before...

"Stop tensing," Sousuke told him. "You're hurting my ribs."

"Gin relaxed immediately. "Sorry. This better?"

"Much," Sousuke said, gently stroking Gin's hair. "What were you thinking about that made you so tense?"

"They said you hit your head," Gin told him quietly. "An' maybe they wanna keep you in cuz a your concussion from before..."

"Ah," Sousuke said. "That."

"Yeah. I'm a bit worried 'bout it." Gin admitted. "I just want ya to come home. But I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

_Again._

Sousuke gave Gin a gentle squeeze. "I know," he said softly. "I know. But I think if anything were wrong we'd know about it. If they leave you alone on the ward you tend to be out of the woods, so to speak."

Gin tried not to wince too visibly at the 'woods' analogy as he listened. Really. A very poor choice of word, considering.

"Also," the man added, with a little conspiratorial smirk. "I think Captain Unohana considers it a matter of pride to keep me from dying. And I think I'm in pretty safe hands right here, don't you?"

Gin nodded, reassured, but only a little. "Yeah... tha's true. Unohana's hands're pretty safe."

Sousuke laughed very softly, but not unkindly "I was talking about _your_ hands," he said with a little grin. Making Gin flush pink "I can't think of any hands safer than those."

Gin covered his face with his hand as Sousuke chuckled lightly. Clearly enjoying his reaction.

"Ya can't just..." Gin began. "Ya can't say that!"

Gin saw his lover shrug through the gaps in his fingers.

"Yes I can," Sousuke smiled, a picture of innocence. "Your hands are very safe. I wouldn't trust anyone else more than you to look after me."

Renewed heat flooded Gin's cheeks, but he pushed it down. "But I'm really clumsy," he said quietly.

"Not with the important things," Sousuke countered lightly, still smiling. Gin couldn't help but smile back.

. . .

After a little while, and a few more last minute checkups and examinations, Captain Unohana finally gave the go-ahead for Aizen to go home. She also gave Gin very strict orders to take care of him, and to call her straight away if there were any problems. She also thrust a _lot_ of pain medication at him and ordered him to "make sure he takes these", to which Gin could only nod, agree, and say "yes ma'am".

But he was more than ready to take on the task of looking after his Sousuke, so nobody needed to worry.

Unohana nodded her approval. "Do you have everything you need?" she asked.

Gin nodded. "Yeah. We'll be fine," he told her. His smile softening as his gaze drifted over to his husband through the window of the little ward office. "I'll look after him."

She nodded again approvingly, her smile softening. And Gin couldn't help but wonder just how much she knew about them as he left her office.

. . .

When Gin returned to Sousuke, he saw the man's smile brighten when he walked in, and the moths in his belly all took flight at once when Gin saw that smile. He walked over to Sousuke's bed slowly, basking in the light and radiance of his sun.

"Gin," Sousuke greeted him. Warm and bright. "You're back."

Gin grinned at him. "Yep, and I have good news. They said you could go home."

He watched his lover's smile widen at the prospect of being in his own home and sleeping in his own bed again, and felt the man's relief.

"Oh, that's good," Sousuke said softly. "I was beginning to tire of hospital food."

Gin chuckled at the joke, but he could tell his partner was tired and longing for his own bed. "Yeah I feel ya. Don't worry, later I'll make ya a nice big bowl of stew," he promised, kissing him gently on the temple that wasn't bruised. "And a nice cup of tea."

Sousuke smiled back at him, soft, tender, and completely unguarded. "I'd like that," he said.

Gin beamed at him. "Thought you might," he answered warmly.

. . .

Later that afternoon, once Sousuke had dressed in fresh, clean uniform borrowed from the fourth division, Gin helped him walk home. The staff at the ward offered him a wheelchair, as he was still a little unsteady, but he'd refused. Wanting to at least _try_ walking home unassisted. Well, 'unassisted' wasn't strictly true – he had Gin with an arm round his waist supporting him, hidden under the guise of a public show of affection – but still, he was standing on his own two feet. He was glad Gin was with him, though. And not just for the support in walking. But the emotional support, too. Gin had been nothing but gentleness since the incident. Not even prying for details of what happened. A little surprising since he'd thought Gin would be all questions. But the only questions Gin really asked were "are you okay?", "how're you feeling?", and "do you need anything?" and for that he was grateful. And if Gin wasn't going to ask about it, he wasn't going to complain. He'd just take all the comfort Gin was offering and make the most of it. Because gods knew he needed it. Especially after what happened.

He suppressed a shudder at the thought of it. _No, best not think about that. Better to just enjoy being alive and Gin's company._

He smiled to himself and took a deep breath of the fresh spring air. Looking around him at the spring flowers that had sprung up and listening to the birdsong coming from the trees above them. He was glad to be back. And even more glad to be back in one piece. But more than anything, he was glad for Gin beside him. If he hadn't shown up when he did...

He pushed the thought away roughly. _No. Don't think about that. Just be glad he's here. That you're here._

He breathed out slowly and fell into step with Gin. Walking slowly so the pain wouldn't be aggravated too much. His ribs were still sore from being smashed like a ragdoll into various trees, and if he moved too quickly his head throbbed and the world threatened to spin again. So they moved slowly and kept a gentle pace. Gin ambled along with him, filling the quiet with nice happy chatter.

So whaddya wanna do now yer a free man?" Gin asked, smiling softly. "We got the whole day off t'do whatever ya want. We can go sit in the park, have tea at one of the shops... you name it, anythin' ya want."

Sousuke thought about it for a moment. There were a lot of things he could do with the day. But there was really only one thing he wanted to do.

"Can we just go home?" he asked, giving Gin's hand a gentle squeeze. "I really want to go home and rest."

Gin smiled over at him, squeezing his hand back. "Sure. Let's go home."

. . .


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: *posts while away for family time to escape the pitchforks and torches from the readers i know in real life because of the angst* mwuhahaha you can't get me! XD ...until i come back. Then i return with appeasement fic and donuts.
> 
> 4 instalments left to go folks! Countdown to the end. I have my reader tears mug ready :) as always please let me know what you think, and if i should post more like this.

Gin fumbled in his pockets for the keys to their house as Sousuke watched. _Soon._ Soon the door to the outside world would be closed and he could stop pretending... at least for a little while. It was hard, being strong. Acting the part. Pretending he was fine. Fair enough, he had to do it to pass the Fourths silly little psych tests and prove he was still fit for service as a fully functioning person. But damn, it was gruelling, exhausting even, to keep up the facade. It would be so nice to just enjoy being home and not have to do any of it. He doubted the voice would let him enjoy the peace for long though. But that's why he had to make the most of the time he _**did**_ have.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Hold the one you love in your arms before your time runs out... _**until**_ your time runs out...

He pushed that thought away too, before it had the chance to break him.

Or Jac had the chance to use it to break him.

Gin opened the door and let him go in first, and he shuffled to the sofa to sit down with a heavy sigh. He lay his head back and closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them just in time to see Gin lock the door and walk in to join him. He smiled at his lover. A soft, tender thing he might have thought ridiculous if he wasn't so damn exhausted. _Finally,_ he thought, and waited for Gin to sit down on the sofa beside him.

. . .

When Gin settled down next to him, cuddled up close, he let himself relax. _It really is good to be home_ , he thought, glad he'd let Gin make a pot of tea before settling down. Otherwise he probably would have forgone the comfort a mug of hot tea could bring just to keep Gin from getting up again. Good thing Gin was smart like that.

_Nah,_ Kyouka said. _He just knows you too well._

He smiled at that. _True. He does._

He sank back into the sofa, quietly enjoying the heat of the mug in his hands and the warm, welcome weight of Gin against him. He smiled softly. Gin. His lovely fox...

_Ah, speaking of foxes,_ he thought, a little grin tugging his lips as he saw a familiar pair of noses poking through the kitchen door, followed by two sets of blue eyes. One light, one dark. He smiled at them.

"Alright, come on then," he called out, and instantly they rushed at him, two streaks of white. The two white foxes that shared their home.

They jumped up onto the sofa, two white bullets whining and yipping their excitement. Sniffing and nosing him and Gin, tails wagging furiously. One white and one with a black tip. He had to smile at the pair of them. Honestly, you'd think they'd been away for _years_ instead of days with that reaction to their homecoming. Even Gin was laughing, until Cherry accidentally stepped on Sousuke's ribs with a little too much weight, making him wince. He'd forgotten his body hadn't fully healed yet.

"Cherry, Tsuku, get down," Gin admonished them, and immediately they settled down. Sousuke was quietly impressed. His lover actually _had_ been training them. That had happened when he wasn't looking.

Actually, come to think of it, so much had changed when he wasn't looking.

"Ya gotta be gentler," Gin added, softer this time as he lifted Cherry up into his lap. "He's hurt."

Cherry whined softly and leaned over to nose Sousuke in apology for hurting him, wagging her tail slowly. He stroked her head gently. She hadn't meant to step on him, she'd just got a bit excited meanwhile, Tsuku, on the other side of him, licked him gently on the back of the hand and lay down next to him with his head on his master's lap.

Gin nodded, smiling. "That's better."

Sousuke just smiled and returned to his tea, absent-mindedly stroking Tsuku, just happy to be surrounded by his foxes.

. . .

When he finally sank into bed that evening, it was still early, but Gin had insisted he needed his rest. Which he did. Besides, he couldn't really argue when he was sitting there yawning his head off and kept nodding off to sleep on the sofa while they watched the television. Not that he could complain. He'd been signed off work for the next three weeks to recover, and he had Gin around to look after him. All things considered, he was very lucky.

All he had to do now was ignore the countdown ticking away the time before all his happiness turned to ash, and everything went to shit.

But he could do that for one night. He focused instead on taking the mug of tea Gin was offering him, the sweet scent of Lady Grey drifting up into his nostrils, and the warmth of Gin's body beside him. The picture of a married couple if ever there was one.

He leaned back against the pillows and drank his tea slowly, savouring the warmth of it. The tea. Gin. This moment. This day, even. Gin was settled, content to just be beside him, leaning against him. Making him feel just that much more at ease. Making him feel safe. That much more at home. Gods knew he needed it after... _that._

"Comfy?" Gin asked, smiling softly.

"Very," he smiled back. "Thankyou."

"No problem," Gin replied, sipping his own tea. He could tell Gin wanted to ask him what really happened in the forest, especially now they were home alone, but the younger man said nothing. Making good on his promise to wait until he was ready to talk about it. So he didn't bring it up. He knew they'd have to talk about it sometime, just... not today. Not right now. He couldn't. It was all still too raw and fresh, and he wasn't quite as detached from it as he would like. Not yet. So if Gin was going to give him a reprieve and a little breathing space from it, he was going to take it. Along with a few other things.

He had to smile at the thoughts creeping into his mind. _Later,_ he promised himself. _After I drink my tea._

Beside him, he heard Gin sigh, soft and content, and felt Gin's body lean heavily against him. Though not too heavily that it hurt him. He smiled, warmth spreading through him at his Moon's touch, and drank his hot tea just a little bit faster – because he couldn't enjoy holding both a mug of tea and Gin in his arms at once. And the latter was quickly taking priority over the former.

. . .

Once their mugs were empty, the pair of them got even _more_ comfortable in bed together. Aizen laying on his back with his arms wrapped loosely around Gin, who was snuggled as close as physically possible. Gin's head rested on his lover's chest, over his heart, so he could listen to the man's steady heartbeat. And meanwhile Aizen's fingers had taken to lazily threading through Gin's silver hair in a soothing manner.

_Yes,_ he thought. _This is nice. This is perfect. You. Me. The silence. The blissful silence..._

He sighed, utterly content. _What would I do without you?_ He wondered, quietly enjoying the warmth and weight of his fox in his arms.

_Yes,_ the voice echoed, shattering the moment. _What **would** you do?_

He shook the question off, not wanting to answer it. Closing his mind off, blotting the voice out. He figured the best way – the most effective way – of doing that would be to drown it with Gin. So that's exactly what he did. He reminded himself of Gin's solidity in a world of change and transience. Of Gin's light, not unlike the moon's or that of a lighthouse, in an otherwise very dark and grim world. His anchor, his lifeline, keeping him from drifting away too far into the darkness like a ship at sea.

Even though a ship should never love an anchor.

He shifted a little and called Gin's name. Gin looked up, and then Sousuke gently lifted his fox's chin up so he could capture those soft lips with his own. Gin was a little bit surprised, but quickly melted into the kiss, opening his mouth for gentle plundering. And immediately the din in Sousuke's mind quieted, the voice fell silent, and there was nothing else in his thoughts but Gin, Gin, Gin.

. . .


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: the bit between the two 'XXX' scene breaks is NFSW. Everything after that second XXX scene break is safe for work. So if smut isn't your thing, just read from the second 'XXX' scene break onwards.
> 
> Enjoy having your hearts broken :) I have my reader tears mug ready. And appeasement fluff fic because I expect a few 'how dare you's for this episode.

XXX

The kiss deepened and Gin moaned into him, yielding, soft, warm. Sweet and welcoming. Like home. And oh, how it was like coming home after being away for so long...

He laid gentle siege to the depths of his lovers mouth and rolled them over so Gin was lying on his back beneath him. Legs already spreading for him. Soft, pale flesh ready and waiting for him to mark.

_Perfect,_ he thought. _You're perfect._

He hungrily kissed his lover, desperate for what only Gin could give him, and Gin responded likewise. Hands roaming freely over his clothed back, arms and legs around him. Ready and willing and _eager._ Oh so eager. And that only fuelled the fires of need inside him. Scorching every inch of him.

Gin moaned again. Deeper, needier. Arching his back in an attempt to get _closer_ to him. Hands uselessly tugging at Aizen's clothes to try and get them off. He only stopped when Sousuke broke the kiss.

"You sure?" Gin asked.

"Never been more sure of anything," he answered, leaning down and kissing his Gin again, leaving him breathless when they parted.

"Your injuries-" Gin whispered, still trying to form cognitive thought through the fog of lust around them.

"Fuck my injuries," he answered, staring intensely down into Gin's red eyes before kissing him deeply again. _I'm just glad you're alive. That you're still here with me._

He trailed his lips down Gin's neck, making him gasp and moan and completely forget his protests. In fact, it made him forget everything else in the world, apart from his lover's name.

"Sou..." Gin called, soft and breathless and full of need. The pleading in that lovely voice was unmistakable. Any other day, Aizen might have played with his Gin a little, to hear more of that needy, pleading tone that was always music to his ears. Proof, if he needed it, that his fox – his Moon – still wanted him even after all their years together.

Any other day and he'd have dragged out the minutes and listened to Gin beg for him.

But not today.

Not after the forest and Grand Fisher.

Not now he knew the voice had the ammunition it needed.

He couldn't.

All he wanted to do was bury himself in Gin, and hold onto his Moon until the Sun fell into the sea and drowned in those icy waters below.

He didn't say anything in answer to Gin. He didn't need to. He let his lips and hands speak for him. Kissing, sucking and biting Gin's neck, marring the pretty soft flesh with dark bruises. Tugging at Gin's yukata to expose more skin. There were simply too many layers of fabric between them for comfort, and he wanted nothing more than to rip them off to get the intimate contact he craved.

Apparently Gin shared the same feeling, because he too was tugging at his clothes, trying to pull them off.

"Too many fuckin' clothes," Gin hissed, and Aizen couldn't help but laugh.

"I agree," he smirked. "I think we should fix that, don't you?"

Gin grunted under him. "Less thinkin' more fixin'."

Aizen laughed again, but did as Gin bid him. He hefted himself up to a sitting position, ignoring the aches and pains, stripped off his yukata, and helped Gin rid himself of his own. His hands worked quickly. Haste and need overruling everything else. He let his palms, his fingers, roll over Gin's angular shoulder – strong shoulders – and pushed the clothes away so Gin could shrug out of them. Once Gin was free of the offending clothing, he wrapped his arms around his lover. And Aizen felt even more warmth flood his body because it really _was_ like coming home after being away for so very, very long.

He leant down again, pressing their bare bodies together, and kissed Gin again. Filling the gaping void inside him with the sight, sound, scent, taste and touch of the man he loved more than anything else in the three worlds.

"Hurry," Gin breathed, bucking his hips upwards into his lover in a desperate bid to get the friction – the contact – the _closeness_ he craved. "Please."

He was a little surprised at just how quickly his lover obeyed him – though if he knew why, he really wouldn't have been. But as it was, he didn't. And he didn't have the mental coherency of headspace to think about or analyse it. Right now the only thought he could form was that he needed Sousuke. Needed Sousuke _now_ _._ And that the man should just hurry the fuck up and screw him already.

He was trembling now, with excitement and anticipation. And despite his best efforts, he whimpered.

"Need-" Gin began, only to be cut off.

"Hush."

The command was firm, soft, quiet, and so absolute that Gin quieted and obeyed immediately. Gasping softly as those strong yet gentle hands slowly pushed his thighs apart. Palm, fingertips, even calloused _thumbs_ pressing into his soft, yielding flesh on every spare inch they could find.

"Sou," he gasped again at the delicious torture. Skin tingling, no, _burning_ in the wake of his lover's touch.

"Hush," Sousuke said again, continuing his explorations. Leaving Gin to tremble, gasp, and nearly go mad with frustrated desire beneath him. A deep need burning through him from the inside out.

. . .

Sousuke explored Gin's body steadily, methodically, making contact with every inch of skin he could find. Thighs, hips, waist, _ribs,_ and how Gin's breath _hitched_ when he touched those with the tips of his fingers. Music to his ears. Well, every little sound Gin made for him was music to his ears. But more so tonight. Because of Fisher. Because of the Voice. Because of everything.

But Gin was his one light in the darkness. The one person who made him happy.

And most importantly, Gin was here.

He was safe. Alive. Whole.

_Here._

Even though he shouldn't be.

Even though there were so many good reasons for him not to be. Even though he could have been killed the other day. Even though he could still be killed.

He pushed that thought away before it could take root and give the voice ammunition, and kissed his Gin again. Softer and slower this time, partly to make up for his earlier, more aggressive and needy kisses, but also to lose himself further in the sweet sensations of just being with his beloved fox. His Moon. His one light in the darkness.

His kiss was deep, and slow, and passionate, and Gin moaned into his mouth softly. His hands moving up Sousuke's back and neck. Fingers tangling themselves in his thick mahogany coloured hair and making themselves at home there. His fox's body soft and pliant under him – though not where it mattered, for indeed Gin's erection was already pressing insistently into his thigh.

He trailed lips, tongue, _teeth,_ down Gin's neck, knowing later Gin would scold him for leaving so many marks on his neck – a place so clearly visible – but not caring. Actually, he doubted right now that Gin cared either. An accurate assessment given Gin's needy moans and the way his back was arching, hips bucking into him, calling out "Aizen-sama", and the way those fingers _pulled_ his hair. Sending little jolts of electricity down his spine. But soon enough he craved more contact, and he decided to take their encounter to the next level.

He gently pushed Gin's thighs further apart, the soft skin reminding him the younger man – his lover, his partner – was real. Solid. Not about to disappear in a puff of smoke like he'd always feared. Wanting to make the most of this night, because this night might be all he would get before the voice, the Monster, brought it all to a sudden, screeching, violent halt. Leaving him alone in the world again.

_Don't think about that._

He kissed his darling again and quietly conjured up a kidou spell on his fingers, a mixture of healing for the burn and water to act as a makeshift lubricant. A tried and tested method. He positioned them accordingly, lingering just outside Gin's entrance.

"Ready?" he breathed.

"Yes," Gin hissed. Needy and breathless and Aizen wished he had the luxury of sounding needy whenever he felt like it. But he didn't dwell on it. Dwelling on things led to thinking about things and that always led to trouble. Besides, there were _much_ better things to think about and focus on. Like the way his lovely darling writhed and moaned and _begged_ for him as his fingers scissored and twisted and stretched Gin out to better accommodate him.

"Please," Gin said, face flushed that pretty shade of pink he liked, and he had to smirk. In truth, he needed Gin badly too. But he wasn't in the mood to admit that. Or cause pain by skipping this part. Not tonight. _There's been enough pain already. Too much, in fact._

So he went slowly, as much as it was driving him mad, and forced his fingers to prepare Gin properly. With Gin's breathy moans, gasps, pleas for Sousuke to be inside him **_now_** filling his ears. Gin's voice drowning out the din of fear, anxiety, and the hellish voice murmuring away in the back of his skull. Just like it always had. Just like he hoped it always _would._

. . .

Gin was in a near delirious state now, and babbling. Sousuke had found his sweet spot a little while ago and it seemed the man was bent on torturing him with it. Dragging out the minutes until they were one and it was driving him absolutely _crazy._

"Sousuke," he called out, "Sou... Sou, please. I need... I need you. P-please..."

His breath hitched as Sousuke's hot breath blew over the sensitive skin of his neck and those fingers inside him retracted and pulled out of him. A moment later, he was staring up into deep chocolate coloured eyes. Eyes that were looking at him with love and tenderness Gin so very rarely saw in him. Alongside that there was disbelief, too. Like the older man couldn't believe he was here, and felt relieved that fact were true. It caused an odd feeling to ghost through Gin's heart.

"Please?" he said, so softly it was almost a whisper. He didn't know what he was asking for. Release? For Aizen to stay? He couldn't be sure.

Thankfully Sousuke seemed to know, because he smiled softly – the warmth of it reaching his eyes.

"Of course," he said, leaning down to kiss him deeply again, and Gin moaned again when his lover pushed inside him. He gave Gin a few moments to adjust to his presence, and then they moved as one, lost in a sea of pleasure. A sea of dreams. Living in a world where it was just the two of them.

. . .

"Sousuke!" Gin called breathlessly under him, desperate and needy. But no more needy than he felt himself. He wanted Gin. _Needed_ Gin, and that need expressed itself in his touches, in his kisses. In his breathy moans and whispered nothings. It was everywhere all at once, spilling out of him now as he made love to Gin - his lover, his partner, his soulmate – where any other day he'd have kept such neediness under lock and key.

But tonight was different. For so many reasons.

He could feel Gin's legs squeeze his hips as they made love. Hear the soft slap of skin against skin as he set a relentless pace, with Gin rising up to meet him with every movement. Running with him to the edge of oblivion. Aizen wondered, for a moment, if he should ask Gin to run away with him.

_Will you run away with me in a dream?_

_Will you keep me alight with your smile like sunlight?_

_Will you evaporate the pain away?_

They moved again, moaning in unison as they found their sought after release, bodies shuddering together in the wake of their shared climax. Slowly regaining the ability to breathe again.

Sousuke looked down into those beautiful red eyes he'd always loved., and unsteadily extricated himself from his lover, lying beside the younger man and gathering him up into his arms.

He let out a shaky breath, heart still pounding. But the anxiety started loosening its hold as he repeated that thought and let it ground him. Gin was here, and tonight _nobody_ was going to take that away from him.

"Love you," he sighed softly, and felt Gin's arms tighten around him, pale skin aglow in the moonlight coming in through the window. Gin's fingers ran through his dark hair and pushed it off his face, smiling at him, smiling gently. Incandescent indeed.

"Love you, too." Gin echoed softly.

Sousuke smiled tenderly back at him, the knot of tension inside him skillfully undone by Gin's magic fingers.

"Always?" he asked, a small smirk on his face as he spoke. To hide the uncertainty in the question. In his voice. In his thoughts.

But he needn't have worried. Gin just smiled ever so softly back at him and kissed his lips gently, sending a rush of that familiar warmth flooding through his heartspace again.

"Always," Gin echoed softly. Sousuke smiled at that answer and pulled Gin closer, covering them both with the duvet so they could sleep more comfortably. Somewhere he knew they should probably clean up first before going to sleep, but that meant letting his Gin go. And right now, he wasn't going to do that for anything.

XXX

Some time later, when Gin had long since fallen asleep and the darkness of the night had well and truly come, Sousuke held onto Gin, lying wide awake. Thinking. Perhaps overthinking. Because so much was different now.

Because of Fisher. Because of the Voice. Because everything in his life was so far beyond his control and he was so out of his depth it was ridiculous. Because he was in so, _so_ damn far over his head and in _far_ , _**far**_ deeper with Gin that he'd ever intended.

_It was supposed to be a game,_ he thought bitterly _. A way to pass the time. I was supposed to break his heart._

But Gin was his one light in the darkness. The one person who made him happy. Who made him feel safe and wanted and loved. And wasn't that what everybody wanted, really? Someone who loved, needed, and wanted them the way Gin loved him.

Hell, more than that, Gin made him feel _human._ And damn it all he was going to hold onto his ray of moonlight if it killed him.

It wasn't just that, though. Part of it was the magnitude of the relief washing over him that Gin was still _here._ That Grand Fisher hadn't killed one or both of them, and eaten their remains. It was relief that Gin was safe. Alive. Whole.

_Here._

Even though he shouldn't be.

Even though there were so many good reasons for him not to be.

Even though he could have been killed the other day. Even though he could still be killed. By the Monster or him or another rogue hollow or-

He pushed that thought away with as much viciousness as he could muster before it could take root and give the voice its ammunition – more ammunition - and kissed his Gin again. Gently. On the head this time. Partly to make up for his earlier, more aggressive and needy kisses, but also to lose himself further in the sweet sensations of just being with his beloved fox. His Moon. His one light in the darkness.

Gin sighed in his arms, already lost to sleep and whatever dream he was having. The soft sigh, the weight of Gin in his arms reminding him the younger man – his lover, his partner – was real. Solid. Not about to disappear in a puff of smoke like he'd always feared. He wanted to make the most of this night, because this night might be all he would get before the voice, the Monster, brought it all to a sudden, screeching, violent halt. Leaving him alone in the world again.

Alone and cold.

So very cold.

Because whenever Gin wasn't here, the house felt so very, very cold.

And if he had to leave to keep Gin safe... if he had to make Gin's flickering light go out...

He pushed that thought away as well.

_Don't think about that._

"Sousuke..." Gin called to him in his sleep, making him smile despite it all. Gin's voice once again drowning out the overwhelming fear, anxiety, and the goddamn voice lurking quietly in the back of his skull. Just like it always had. Just like he hoped it always _would._

"Stay with me?" Gin asked, still deep in a dream.

Sousuke just sighed, soft and content. "Always," he said. The response was default now.

But tonight was different for so many, many reasons. Perhaps he should tell Gin now, about this, about everything, before it was too late...

Maybe he could still salvage this.

"Gin," he called softly, and good god that neediness was even in the way he said the man's name, too.

_It's everywhere and you can't escape it,_ the stray thought came, but he'd already surrendered to it. It was just one night after all. He was allowed to be needy for one night. He was allowed to feel safe for one night. Voice be damned.

Gin moaned softly in his sleep. And Aizen wondered, for a moment, if he should ask Gin to _actually_ run away with him. Not to Huecco Mundo, but somewhere, anywhere else. A small town in the human world, perhaps. Maybe they'd have a better life there, free of all their obligations and responsibilities. Even though that was just a pipe dream.

But he was allowed to dream. For tonight at least, he allowed himself to dream. To fall into a reverie of a future they might have together in a place far away from here before the voice took even that away from him.

_Would you run away with me if I asked?_

_Would you keep me alight with your smile like sunlight?_

_Would you light the darkness for me?_

_Illuminate me like fairylights igniting?_

Sousuke recalled earlier, how he'd looked down into those beautiful red eyes he'd always loved, and unsteadily extricated himself from his lover, lying beside the younger man and gathered him up into his arms. Crushed Gin into his body just as he'd done so very many years ago when Gin told him 'I love you' the first time. Holding onto his one light, his incandescent Moon and not wanting to ever let go. Dreading the moment when he'd have to.

Until then, he'd make the most of this. Carpe Diem. Or in this case, Carpe Noctem.

He let out a shaky breath, heart still pounding. But Gin was in his arms and returning his embrace, which was the only thing that mattered in this godforsaken hellhole. That no matter what happened next, he'd always have this night with Gin. He'd always have Gin...

Until he wouldn't.

_No. I can't tell you._

_I need you to keep me alive with your smile like moonlight. Illuminate me like softly glowing fairylights and lightning before the storm comes._

_I need you to stay with me until then._

_Because I love you. I love you so much. And I'm so glad you're still here with me._

_You're here with me._

The anxiety that had started to coil around his lungs again started loosening its hold as he repeated that thought and let it ground him. Yes. Gin was here, and tonight _nobody_ was going to take that away from him.

"I love you," he sighed softly. His heart heavy. It felt like a goodbye.

The selfish part of him hoped Gin was too tired to notice that.

But he felt Gin's arms tighten around him, pale skin aglow in the moonlight coming in through the window. Gin's fingers ran through his dark hair and pushed it off his face, smiling at him, smiling gently. Incandescent indeed.

"I love you, too." Gin echoed softly. Not quite as dead to the world as Sousuke once thought.

Sousuke smiled tenderly back at him, the tension inside him deftly banished once again by Gin's magic. Though Gin couldn't make his heart any lighter.

Because everything was worse now.

"Then, will you stay with me?" he asked, a small smile on his face as he spoke. Though the uncertainty in the question just beneath the surface cut a little too close to the bone. Another aftershock of facing Grand Fisher. But if Gin noticed it, he didn't mention it.

_Stay with me?_

_Even though I'm selfish?_

_A pit of tar that'll only end up suffocating you?_

Instead, Gin just smiled ever so softly back at him and kissed his lips gently, sending a rush of that familiar warmth flooding through his heartspace again.

"Always," Gin echoed softly. Sousuke smiled at that answer and pulled Gin close, absolutely dreading the hour, the minute, the second, when he'd have no choice but to let go.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "love comes alive" line here is a direct reference to my other piece Circles (that I am most proud of). It's a part of this series and if you like this I recommend giving that one a read too :)
> 
> Also- I wish there was a fic I could point you to for some context about the 'tar pit' line... but there isn't one yet. It's in development, though. But have fun imagining the backstory for that part.

They woke late the next morning, their nights exertions and long days before that having caught up to them. But today they were well-rested and more than ready to face another day together.

Sousuke woke before Gin, as usual, and lay watching Gin doze a while. He lay there for who knew how long, making the most of the lazy morning. He was grateful Gin had been given the next few days off, to look after him, and he sighed in contentment. Because for the next few days it'd just be him and Gin. Mostly because he wanted to spend all the time he could with his partner. But also because he didn't think he could face anybody else just yet.

He could have easily laid there all day, were it not for the nagging voice in the back of his mind.

_Worthless needy piece of shit._ It barked at him. He closed his eyes tightly and roughly shoved the intrusive voice away. Along with its laughter.

Gin chose that moment to murmur and stir in his arms, trudging into wakefulness and smiling like waking up with him was the best thing in the world.

"Hey," Gin greeted him, voice soft and smile content. And for a moment it was just another Saturday morning and Grand Fisher didn't even exist in their minds.

Sousuke returned the smile. "Hey."

"You sleep okay?" Gin asked, though they both knew what the real question was. _Did you have any nightmares?_

"Yeah, like a log," he answered. _Tonight, anyway. The real nightmares will come later, when I'm alone in the dark and the Monster stirs to play with his new leverage._ "You?"

"Yeh, ah slept alrigh'. Think I dropped off pretty quick though."

Sousuke couldn't help but chuckle at that. "I'll say. You _were_ pretty exhausted."

Gin snickered softly. "Huh. Can't think why," he teased, which earned him a real laugh.

"Oh, I think you can," Aizen smirked. Making Gin blush that pretty shade of pink again.

"Pervert," Gin muttered.

"And?" he smiled, feigning innocence.

Gin gave a long sigh and pretended to be annoyed. "Anyway, yer s'posed t'be recoverin'. Not overextertin' yerself."

Now it was Aizen's turn to snicker, snorting a little at the comment. "Oh? I didn't hear you complaining last night..."

He smirked and raised his eyebrows, and waited for his fox to flush pink again in embarrassment. He wasn't disappointed. He laughed softly and kissed Gin on the forehead. "I'm just teasing," he said, wrapping his arms around Gin and gathering the younger man up into his embrace again. "Let me make it up to you."

Gin's interest perked up at that and his smile returned. "Hm? An' how're ya gonna make it up to me?" he asked sweetly. But somewhere in the back of his mind he could tell something wasn't quite right; Sousuke rarely apologised for teasing him, at least since they married. There'd been an unspoken agreement for decades that it was just playful banter and that no harm was meant by it. In fact, he could count the number of times he had on his fingers. But he rolled with it for now. If his lover was feeling affectionate, he wasn't going to question it. Not so soon after the 'Grand Fisher' incident.

At least, that's what the bureau were calling it, based on the description of the hollow he gave them. It was hard _not_ to think of a large anglerfish when he saw the beast, especially with that lure...

He shook the memory away. He'd deal with that later, too. For now he'd focus on the present, and his husband in his arms. His Sousuke. His Helios. His Sun.

"Well," Sousuke purred, "You can let me run you a bath to start."

Gin narrowed his eyes and wrinkled his nose. "You sayin' I stink?" he asked playfully.

"No, I'm saying you're sweaty and covered in bodily fluids," Aizen answered.

"Oh. Oh yeah."

"Plus I'm sure your muscles could use a hot soak," he added, smiling softer now and giving Gin a quick kiss. "You wait here. I'll go run us a bath and make some tea."

Gin smiled back at him indulgently. "That sounds perfect."

. . .

Sousuke went into the bathroom and started running the bath, pouring in the appropriate amount of bubble bath for the right amount of bubbles. Because Gin liked bubbles in his baths. And while the water was running he went downstairs to make them a mug of tea each. Of course, he studiously avoided looking into any of the reflective surfaces as he left. The bathroom mirror especially. He wasn't ready to deal with his reflection just yet. Not with the incident in the forest so fresh in his mind.

But not only that, he just didn't want to see what a mess Grand Fisher had made of his face. As vain as that sounded.

Even though he knew he couldn't avoid the mirror forever.

Or the Monster within it.

. . .

In the kitchen, while the kettle was boiling, he got out two clean mugs and readied the tea leaves in the strainer inside the teapot. Pouring the boiling water over them into the teapot. It was one Gin had given him, and he tried not to think about that too much as he let the tea infuse. Thinking never led to anything good, especially with the goddamn voice around...

_Ouch. That asshole sure did a number on you, huh?_ It said smugly. Aizen grit his teeth. Speak of the devil.

_Have you seen what it did to your face? You used to be so pretty... now you're a mess._

He fought the urge to smash the teapot reflecting it's black and yellow eyes. _Go away._ He snapped. His irritation clear. _I'm not in the mood._

_Ouch, that hurts,_ the voice feigned offence. _I'd be offended if I cared. Suck it up, pussy. I told you before, you're stuck with me._

Aizen glared. _What do you want?_

_A lot of things._ The hollow answered. _But mostly to know what's got you so_ _ **rattled.**_

The Monster smirked, it's words teasing, and Aizen would've punched it if he could.

_Because really now, this isn't like you,_ it continued. Feigning sympathy. Feigning _concern._ Two things it knew Aizen absolutely hated. _Look at you. You're on edge. You know, it's okay if the... incident... with Grand Fisher shook you up. It couldn't have been easy going up against your boy like that. Your lover. Even if it was just an illusion._

It smirked wider then, and the voice sounded so close it could have been whispering into his ear, sharing a juicy secret.

_I can't imagine what it must've been like, having your weakness used against you like that._

Aizen, having just poured the tea from the teapot into the two mugs, snarled and set the teapot down perhaps a little too aggressively. Judging by the loud bang it made in the quiet.

"I don't HAVE a weakness," he snapped.

But that was a mistake, because next thing he knew, he was looking at the Monster in the reflection of the window. It's white grizzly bear skull, and a lot of dark black fur where a body should have been. The Monster he'd met all those years ago back in the Rukongai... blood dripping from its jaws, thick and viscous, like tar.

It's words from long ago echoing in his mind, _'You're a tar pit...'_

But the voice, the hollow, the Monster, just laughed. Sinister and malevolent. The bear skulls jaws opening and closing even with no muscles there to move them.

_Are you SURE about that, Sousuke?_ It asked. _Are you_ _ **quite.**_ **sure.** _about that?_

Sousuke, fists clenched and shaking by his sides, teeth firmly clenched to avoid responding, waited for the insane laughter to die away. And when he was sure it was silent and he was calm again, he took the tea upstairs to Gin. One mug in each hand.

. . .

Gin was still lazing in bed when he walked into the bedroom, but his fox's smile brightened when he saw him. And for a few beautiful moments it was as if the awful voice didn't exist. As if there were no Monster in the mirror.

"Here," Sousuke said, offering Gin his mug of tea. Smiling and feeling that lovely rush of warmth when their fingers brushed as the mug changed hands.

"Thanks," Gin said.

"Anytime," he smiled back. "But that's my line."

Gin blinked, obviously confused. "Eh? Wha' for?"

"For saving me back there," Sousuke explained. "In the forest." A pause. A long one. A shorter, softer sigh. A brace for impact. "For coming back for me."

"Oh," Gin gasped. "Ohhhh."

"Oh?"

"It's just... well. I couldn't let you die." Gin told him. Smiling. "And I'll always come back for you."

Sousuke had to smile at that. "Always?" he asked. His tone light and joking, but the serious question was there. _Always? Always and forever? Even though I don't deserve it? Although I'm a fool? Even though I'm a tar pit that good things like you sink into and suffocate in?_

Gin's smile softened and he took Sousuke's hand in his and squeezed. And he felt that warmth again. _Yes, come take my hand and come make me feel what it's like, when love comes alive..._

"Always." Gin echoed. Giving him the reaffirmation he needed. Just like always. He could hear the voice calling him a needy piece of shit, but the warmth from Gin let him tune it out. For the moment, at least.

"You should probably go check on the bath, though." Gin added, smiling playfully now. "So we don't flood the bathroom again."

Aizen smiled at the memory. The last time they'd flooded the bathroom was when they'd gotten a _**little**_ carried away 'playing' and _severely_ underestimated just how much time it actually took to _"have a quickie"._ Well, more accurately, Aizen just couldn't keep his hands – or his lips, or other parts – off Gin. Which Gin reminded him of at every possible opportunity.

"Ah yes, that was a fun morning," Aizen smiled. Gin returned the smile and nodded.

"Mm. Less fun though when we had to clean up the flood though... and replace the carpets."

"Yes," Aizen agreed. "That bit was considerably _less_ fun. I'll go check the bath so we don't have a repeat incident."

Gin nodded approvingly. "Good plan. Cuz I really don' wanna replace more carpets."

"No, neither do I," Aizen concurred. "I'd much rather do _other_ things," he said with a smirk, and Gin blushed again. Aizen chuckled and made his exit before he was chased out.

Though his smile faded when he was out of Gin's sight. His thoughts bitter.

_Yes. Exit stage right, pursued by a monstrous voice. And a bear skull that lives in my nightmares. Dripping with tar._

_. . ._

When the bath was ready, and full of enough bubbles for Gin's liking, he beckoned Gin in and they both undressed. Gin did so with ease. Aizen did so carefully, so he didn't aggravate his injuries. Keeping his gaze , equally carefully if not more so, _away_ from, the mirror. He didn't want to look at his injuries, the painful reminders of his impotence. His shameful defeat at the hands of Grand Fisher. But more than that, he didn't want to see those eyes again. The yellow and black ones boring into him in his reflection's own eye sockets. So he kept his back to the reflective surface. He knew he'd have to face it, face him _self,_ eventually. But not today. Today was for Gin.

He saw Gin try not to wince visibly at the sight of his bruises and tried not to cringe himself. Thankfully Gin said nothing, only offering to help him into the bath. He felt like an old man, moving so slowly, but his body ached too much and his mind was too tired to complain about it. Instead, he eased his bruised and battered body into the warm, lavender scented water - Gin had added a few drops, saying it was good for bruises - and let his body relax. His back against Gin's chest. Enjoying the warmth and the contact and the safety Gin provided. And most of all, the peace and quiet before they washed each other and enjoyed the soapy bubbles together.

. . .

As Gin washed his back, Aizen seemed to purr like a happy cat. He moved the sponge in slow, lazy circles, and Gin smiled and fought back a little laugh at the sound, but it still escaped him in the form of a soft snicker.

"What?" Aizen asked, his voice gentle. He wasn't annoyed. Just intrigued. Gin smiled a little wider. It seemed his lover was feeling indulgent today. If he played his cards right, they might even be able to play a little. Gin still wanted a rematch for that ridiculously childish pillow fight, but he'd settle for a game of poker – he was good at that now. Or better yet, a little splash war. Hm, now there was a good idea.

"You sound like a happy cat, purring like that," Gin teased softly.

"And you think that's amusing?" Sousuke asked, body still very much relaxed and his voice soft yet slightly amused.

"Yep. I do." Gin answered. "Who'da thunk it, the great Aizen Taichou, th' Dragon of paperwork an' all round badass, putty in me hands an' purrin' like a happy cat." Gin smirked a little and leant forward to speak into his lover's ear as if he were gossiping. "What would they _say?_ Your reputation would be _ruined."_

He heard Sousuke smile rather than saw it. "Well then," he replied, tone equally sly and conspiratorial, "I suppose I'll have to find a way to keep you quiet," he said. "So you don't scandalise me."

Gin snickered again. Oh good. His lover was feeling playful, too. He gasped, feigning offense. Purposefully exaggerating his movements for dramatic effect. "Bribery?! Blackmail?!" he exclaimed, "Surely the honourable Captain Aizen wouldn't! Unless..." Gin leaned in closer, "Unless you're more corrupt than I originally took you for."

Sousuke smirked now, turning – carefully – to face him in the bathtub. "Oh, Gin," he said sweetly, "You don't know the half of it."

Gin shivered a little in excitement – he did like it when Sousuke played the role for him like this – but for the sake of the game, he made it out to be fear.

"Shall I show you," Sousuke continued, "Just how corrupted I am?" Gin widened his eyes so his lover could see them, and let him continue. Aizen widened his devious smirk. "Shall I teach you a lesson?"

Now Gin couldn't even _pretend_ he was afraid. He was just too excited. "Yes," he hissed, almost breathless. "I think you should."

Sousuke's smile grew a little softer. "Very well then," he said, beckoning Gin over. "Come a little closer."

Gin did as he was told, but slowly. It wasn't any fun if he just gave in straight away, after all.

"That's right," Aizen smiled. "Just a little closer."

Gin smiled and 'reluctantly' obeyed. "Alright. How's this?" he asked, trying his best to look innocent despite the devious and naughty thoughts in his head now. He watched Aizen nod and smile approvingly.

"Yes," Aizen said. "Yes that's perfect."

And then he splashed Gin in the face and laughed while Gin spluttered.

"Aw, hey, c'mon no fair tha's cheatin'!"

Aizen smiled, smug in his victory. "Hey, you were the one calling me corrupt not two minutes ago," he said. "What did you expect?"

Gin pouted. "S'pected ya to play _fair,"_ he answered, splashing the man back. Aizen just looked at him, haughty and amused.

"Oh, so you want a splash fight, huh?" do you really think you can defeat _me?"_

"Hey, you started the splash war," Gin told him. "An' I can take ya any day a the week."

Aizen smirked at him. "Well then," he said, goading Gin into challenging him. "Why don't you come and have a go if you think you're hard enough?"

Gin took the invitation, launched more soapy water, and blew a handful of bubbles at him to distract him. Aizen retaliated, and Gin retaliated back, and there was a lot of laughing and splashing. With both sides trying to use the bubbles and water and bubble manipulating kidou to their advantage. It was, like the pillow fight, silly and childish. But it was fun. And they both needed some fun. Especially after what happened in the forest and in the hours after.

And they did say that couples who played together stayed together. Not that they needed an excuse to play. Though excuses were nice.

"Truce!" Gin called in the end, breathless with laughter. "Truce! I can't- I can't breathe."

Sousuke lowered his hands and reconsidered the splash attack he was about to make. "Truce," he agreed, and not for the first time he was glad that Gin was here with him. Even if the voice called him a pussy for feeling such.

. . .


	17. Chapter 17

A little later, when they were both clean, dried, and dressed in clean clothes, they both relaxed in the living room together. It was one of those easy, slow days, and they spent it together. Curled up on the sofa and watching films together. Happy, feelgood films because nobody wanted to dwell on the Bad Things that happened. Especially not those in The Forest. And when Gin broke off and returned to hand him a mug of tea in his favourite cat mug, he didn't think this day could get any more perfect.

. . .

When lunchtime came, and Gin went into the kitchen to cook, leaving him alone to rest, Sousuke moved quietly out into the garden. Unable to even remember the last time he was this happy. He was here, he was alive, he had Gin... really, what more could he ask for in life?

He took in a deep lungful of air, letting it cleanse his bruised body, and sighed. Warm, happy, perfectly content. If every single day of the rest of his life could be like this, it would be perfect.

Because he'd be with Gin. And he'd never have to worry about leaving his home ever again.

Because Gin would be there.

A gentle breeze brushed past him, ruffling his hair and cooling his skin as he scanned the flora around him. Wishing he had a cactus to express his warmth and ardent love for Gin. But they had a garden, not a desert, so he'd have to make do with another choice.

He moved slowly through the garden, steadily circling the koi pond. It certainly wouldn't do to fall in (again). Especially not since he was injured and _especially_ not after he'd just gotten all warm, comfortable and clean. Not to mention the fact that he'd have to wash his clothes... and get his favourite yukata stained with dirty pond water. Gin always liked this green one. So much so, he'd taken to borrowing it on occasion.

No, best keep away from the pond. Just in case. Better to **not** fall in. Again. It had taken _ages_ to get the mud stains out of his clothes. Not even the muddy stains from their adventurous rolls in the grass were so stubborn... and Gin had never let him live it down. Cackling like a witch at him for falling into his own koi pond. Hanging laundry of all things.

 _It'll be fine,_ he'd said. Some famous last words those were.

He resumed his search for the flowers he was looking for. The marshmallow was around here somewhere. He found it and plucked a small handful and returned to the kitchen with it, knowing he could get the peppermint he needed from their herb garden in the kitchen window.

Moving behind Gin, who was standing at the stove cooking up some Rukongai Stew, he reached for the little herb garden and pulled some peppermint. And then, putting them with the marshmallow flowers, he stood behind Gin and smoothly snuck an arm around his lover's waist. Pleasantly surprising his lovely fox.

"Oh, hello," Gin smiled softly. Still stirring the big pot of stew, but slowly leaning back into his lover's arms.

"Hello," Sousuke answered, still smiling like an idiot. "I have these for you," he said, presenting his love with the flowers he'd picked. Gin turned around to face him, his smile sweet and endearing as he took them.

"Oh, fer me? You shouldn't have." Gin said lightly, kissing him ever so gently.

Sousuke smiled. "Yes, I should," he said.

Gin seemed to consider this for a quiet moment. "Hm. You're right. You should," he said. "But anyway, thankyou. Marshmallow?"

"Marshmallow and peppermint," Sousuke nodded. Gin was getting better at recognising the different flowers now and he was very pleased.

"I don't think we've used marshmallow before," Gin mused, looking thoughtful.

"We haven't," Sousuke told him, softly kissing his Gin's forehead. "The flower dictionary's on your bedside table where you left it."

Gin frowned a little, or at least he pretended to. "Aw. Not gonna tell me what it means?"

Sousuke smirked, realising Gin's arms were now around his waist. If they weren't careful they'd get carried away again and the stew would burn. "I've found you learn better if you look the meanings up yourself."

Gin pouted. "Meanie."

"Oh, but you love me," Sousuke teased, laughing.

"Shut up," Gin said, though there was no heat behind it at all. "Go fetch me my flower dictionary."

"Yes, dear." Sousuke chuckled, but he did as he was told and obediently brought Gin the little book. Patiently waiting as Gin decoded his latest message.

"Hm, let's see..." Gin said, flipping through the pages while Aizen stirred the stew as it cooked. "Well I know peppermint is 'warmth of feeling', so where's marshmallow?"

Aizen waited very patiently as Gin searched for the entry for marshmallow, resisting the urge to find it for himself in his excitement. After all, students learned through working things out for themselves and solving problems on their own. And Aizen had always been a teacher at heart.

"Found it yet?" he asked.

"I'm lookin'," Gin answered, turning another page. "Gimme a sec, hold yer 'orses."

"Alright, I'll wait," Sousuke chuckled. Gin turned another page.

"Aha, here we go, I got it."

Sousuke waited while Gin read the entry for the marshmallow flower, anticipating the reaction.

"Oh," Gin gasped softly.

"Oh?" Sousuke echoed, his tone light and his amusement obvious. "'oh,' good or 'oh' bad?"

"Oh good," Gin said softly, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing or reading.

"Are you going to tell me what the marshmallow flower means?" Sousuke asked slowly, smiling just a little sheepishly. Though his sheepishness was overshadowed by his eagerness.

"It means... Gin began quietly. "It means 'kindness'."

Aizen waited, letting Gin decipher the rest of the message, looking adorably confused. "With the peppermint..." Gin paused again, surprised _and_ confused now as he looked to his partner. Smiling. "I warm your heart with my kindness?" he asked, tilting his head much like Cherry did.

Aizen just smiled. "Yes. You do."

Gin laughed softly. "But I aint tryin' t'do that."

"Exactly. You're sweet without even trying."

Gin's cheeks quickly turned very pink at that. "Aw, come off it, ya sap."

"Never," Sousuke said, kissing Gin again, the stew forgotten for the moment. "Besides, you know you love it."

Gin grumbled a little, pretending to disagree, but they both knew it was all a sham. Prompting more chuckling from Sousuke. Gin just sighed at him like a long-suffering wife.

"If you say so dear," he said, closing the dictionary and putting it on the countertop out of the way.

"Oh? What's this?" Sousuke asked, his voice light, teasing and very, very playful. "Did you just actually admit I was right about something?" He raised his eyebrows in a comically exaggerated expression of surprise. "Should I alert the press?"

Gin just shook his head at his husband. "Just you keep stirring the stew else it'll burn."

"I'm not hearing a _'no',"_ Aizen teased further, a smug smirk on his lips.

"Just shut up and stir." Gin told him, not rising to the bait. If Aizen wanted a reaction out of him, he'd have to try a lot harder. So he left Aizen to mind the stew while he went to get a vase for the flowers – while Aizen snickered at his own antics. They served up the stew a little while after that, the smell of it making their bellies growl, and they ate like they'd never see food again. Like ravenous wolves. Perhaps they were. Gods knew they used to be, having both grown up in the Rukongai. Where good meaty stew like this was considered a luxury. Which was probably why Gin cooked it so rarely.

"You know, I think this stew gets better every time you make it," he told Gin, helping himself to seconds. Or was it thirds? He'd lost track a little while ago. Too focused on the delicious stew. He'd never forget the first time Gin made it for him, his old friend Yuki had given him the recipe and the sly fox had kept it a secret for the longest time. Gin guarded that recipe fiercely, until he decided Aizen could be trusted enough to keep it secret. If people knew they could make it, they'd be lined up outside their door all the way down the street just for a bowlful.

Gin smiled at the compliment. "Only cuz I've made it so many times," he demurred. "Yuki made it best though. Still remember the first night we had it. It was lovely."

Aizen smiled at the memory as it conjured itself in his mind. The festival, the crowded marketplace, a whole night spent talking and eating stew with his Rukongai friend playfully teasing them... it had been a good night. The best night. Second only to their wedding night, of course.

"Yes," Aizen agreed. "Yes it was. The stew was nice, too."

Gin's cheeks pinkened just a little at that, and the comment earned him a lighthearted little 'shove', but it was clear Gin shared the sentiment.

. . .


	18. Chapter 18

Later that evening, when their bellies were full with several bowls of stew, and after a few games of bridge (not poker, they'd both agreed on an easier game while they recovered), they settled back into bed. Gin had changed the sheets, apparently when he wasn't looking, so it was a very pleasant surprise for Sousuke when he climbed in between the fresh, clean bedsheets.

It was also a pleasant surprise to see the little sprig of spearmint sitting in a small glass of water on his bedside table. He had to smile at it as the warmth of Gin's reply rushed through him.

Spearmint: 'warmth of sentiment'.

And was that a bit of peppermint he could see, too? His smile widened as he looked closer. Yes. Yes, it was.

His smile softened at that.

He was still admiring the mint leaves when Gin walked into the room carrying an ambrosia flower. Sousuke as always, felt his presence and the silence it brought his mind, and looked up to greet him. His smile broadening into one of his trademarked idiot grins. Well as Kyouka Suigetsu liked to call them, anyway. At every possible opportunity. He could hear her giggling at him now...

But he had a good reason to smile tonight.

Ambrosia. In their language: love returned.

A flower it'd taken years, if not decades, for Gin to offer him the first time.

"Too much?" Gin asked, looking somewhat sheepish.

Sousuke shook his head. "No. it's perfect." he said softly, making Gin's smile turn a little softer, a little shyer. And a hell of a lot more endearing. If that was at all possible, since he found all of Gin's smiles endearing. Even the ones he made when he was being a sarcastic little shit about something. Which was often.

Gin moved around the bed to add the flower to the glass. It was bright and yellow, standing out against the green of the mints. And a perfect colour contrast. Aizen's smile turned tender as he decoded the message.

"Mutual love and sentiments?" he asked.

Gin smiled sweetly as he climbed into bed with him. Laying his head on his lover's chest and snuggling up close to him. "Somethin' like that," Gin murmured. "More like, _'I share your warmth, your sentiments, and your love'._ "

Aizen smiled and wrapped his arms around his other half. Never more convinced that Gin was his intended Soulmate. "Mm," he agreed, gently kissing Gin's head. "I like that translation better."

Gin smiled at that compliment. "Ah thought ya might."

"You know me well," Aizen smiled, thoroughly warm and content and, dare he say it, happy. If he wasn't careful he might start purring like a cat again in his contentment. And Gin would never let him hear the end of it.

But Gin just smiled. "Just like you know me well."

"Yes," Aizen agreed, just enjoying the warmth, the comfort, the _safety_ Gin provided. Letting his lover's warmth and weight ground him because otherwise he might just float away. Or at least he felt like he might. But his arms were wrapped firmly yet gently around Gin's body, to ensure he wouldn't be going anywhere. And that Gin wouldn't be escaping anywhere either. Not that Gin would. He looked so very comfortable. And he'd already promised to stay by his side until Death parted them.

Aizen smiled softly as he remembered that rainy night, that became their wedding night. How they'd run through the rain, soaked through, laughing, happy, into the little chapel. How they'd woken up the sleeping pastor who'd cheerfully agreed to marry them...

How he'd pledged himself to Gin and only Gin for as long as he lived.

Crushing Gin against him, holding him tight, saying over and over that he loved him.

It had been one of the happiest nights of his life.

A sentiment he knew Gin shared, which just made it even better.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" Gin asked, gently pulling him out of his thoughts.

"You." Aizen answered. Which was true, though it still made Gin blush that lovely pink.

"And our wedding night." he added. And Gin blushed even pinker. He wondered if he'd ever get tired of seeing that blush. Or if he'd even get a chance to.

 _Yes,_ the voice murmured. _I **wonder** if you'll get a chance to. _But Aizen shook it away. No. He wouldn't go there. Not tonight. Not if he had any say in it.

"Guess I shoulda known that, huh?" Gin said, laughing a little, and Aizen kissed him again, hugging him tighter.

"Yes, you should," he laughed. "How long have you known me now?"

"Too long."

Aizen laughed again. "Ouch."

"I'm kidding," Gin said gently.

"I know."

"I love you very much."

"I know that, too."

"Do you love _me?"_

"Always," Aizen answered without hesitation. "You know that."

Gin made a noise of contentment as he snuggled further into Sousuke's arms. "Mmm. Tha's good ta hear," he murmured sleepily. Yawning widely. "Love you too. Forever and always."

Aizen smiled, simply gazing tenderly at his Gin. "Forever and always," he echoed. But by then Gin was already drifting off into the land of sleep. His body already heavier in Sousuke's arms. Leaving him alone with his thoughts, and to wait for when the voice would inevitably stir and use what it'd learned against him.

Nothing could stop it, of course. He'd tried everything. And everything failed.

The voice was like Death. Inevitable and inexorable.

So he lay quietly in bed, holding Gin in his arms, and he waited.

As usual, he didn't have to wait very long. He didn't have to wait very long at all.

 _Forever and **always,**_ the Monster echoed, voice deep and smooth. _Are you **still** quite sure you don't have a weakness, Sousuke? _it asked, and _**all**_ of Aizen's muscles went taut at the question. At all it implied. It made him think again of the Bad Things that happened in The Forest. Grand Fisher. The Living Horror that ensued. Each second of it a nightmare he never wanted to repeat again.

A nightmare that _would_ repeat, now the voice knew what it did.

 _Because from what I've seen,_ the voice continued, _I think you do. And I think I know exactly. W **ho. It. Is.**_

If Aizen was tense before, his whole body was completely rigid now, his arms clutching Gin tightly to him like a vice while he tried not to shake. His hands especially were trembling, and he was grateful that Gin was a heavy sleeper because if not then how in the three worlds was he going to explain _**this?**_

How was he going to explain how backed up into a corner he was, with no hope of a way out? Now that the monster inside him **knew** it had the perfect leverage. The _perfect_ chesspiece to move against him. To call checkmate and win the game. He could almost hear it declaring victory now, whispering _'checkmate, game over Sousuke, looks like I win...'_

It had him. It had Gin. And there was no way to make it _un_ know this information. No way to undo what happened in The Forest.

No possible way in any of the three worlds that he could unlove Gin.

And no set of circumstances in which he ever would.

And the Monster inside him knew this. It knew this very well. So there was nothing at all Aizen could do about it. Nothing he could say or do to argue it. He was beaten, and he knew it. All he could hope to do now was keep Gin well enough away so he wouldn't get hurt. So he would be safe. If such a state even existed in the first place.

 _Tomorrow,_ he promised himself. _Tomorrow I get Gin out._

But he knew, holding Gin right now, just how hard doing that would be. Letting Gin go. It might even be impossible.

And yet... and yet he had to try. For Gin's sake.

He closed his eyes and breathed out shakily. _Tomorrow,_ he repeated. _Tomorrow._

But the Monster, the hellish voice lurking in his head, just laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

 _Liar_.

Sousuke swallowed. Cold despite the warmth of the room and the bed. He couldn't even argue, even if he wanted to. Because he knew it was right.

And everything was so much worse now than ever before.

END STORY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: hooray! It's done! *collapses into a heap* this was a lot of work and effort.
> 
> Thank you for reading! (If indeed you made it this far). And i hope you like the fridge horror at the end :) this one's been a real ride and I had a lot of fun. Big thanks to everyone who reviewed as chs got released.
> 
> Once again, any feedback at all is appreciated. "This sucks","cool story bro needs more unicorns", "how dare you break me like this you heartless monster"... all appreciated. I have two similar stories like this (Smoke and Without a Trace) and it'd be nice to know if it's worth posting them once they are completed. Reviews keep us writers writing. And enable more fics :)
> 
> Anyway. It's done. I'm done. I need rest now. But I hope you enjoyed this one. It's been a blast. Hope I haven't scarred you too badly. And hopefully I'll see you again in my next story.
> 
> I'm off now to sleep very heavily and decompress. And go caravaning in the lovely Cat Returns fandom with my Magus AU. I have earned it.


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